LIBRARY 
Connecticut  Agricultural  College 


Vol 

7  t)  t>  !3 

Class  No.     n  ^ 

(f^L^ 

Cost 

Date 

(P^v XJy^^J.  1932 

ok  may  be  kept  out 


BOOK     174.B63    c.  1 
80K    #    SUCCESSWARD 


3  T1S3  OOObaill  1 


<;  . 


6261 


ZZ  AVW 


^■: 


SUCCESSWARD 


LADIES'  HOME  JOURNAL'S 
PRACTICAL  LIBRARY 


Vol.  1. — The  Kindergarten  in  a  Nut- 
shell.    By  Nora  A.  Smith. 

Vol.  II.  Successward.  By  Edward 
Bok,  Editor  of  "The  Ladies' 
Home  Journal." 

Vol.  III.  — Good  Cooking.  By  Mrs. 
Rorer. 

Vol.  IV.— Inside  100  Homes.  By  W. 
M.  Johnson. 

Vol.  V. — Model  Homes  at  Low  Cost. 
By  W.  M.  Price. 


LADIES'  HOME  JOURNAL'S 
PRACTICAL  LIBRARY 


SUCCESSWARD 

A  YOUNG  MAN'S  BOOK  FOR 
YOUNG  MEN 


BY 


EDWARD   BOK 


1899 


NEW  YORK 

THE  DOUBLEDAY  & 

McCLURE  CO. 


PHILADELPHIA 
THE  CURTIS  PUB- 
LISHING CO. 


SIXTH  EDITION 


Published  tinder  arrangement  with,  and  Copyrighted 
1895,  by  Fleming  H.  Revell  Co. 


Copyright,  1899,  by 
The  Curtis  Publishing  Co, 


•^5^5. 


TO 

CLARENCE  CARY, 

MY  ADVISER  AND  MY  FRIEND,  WHEN  ADVISERS 

I   HAD   NONE  AND    FRIENDS 

WERE   FEW 


CONTENTS 


I 

PAGB 

A  Correct  Knowledge  of  Himself       -      i 


II 

What,  Really,  is  Success?      -       -       -    13 

III 

The  Young  Man  in  Business  -        -        -23 

IV 
His  "  Prospects  "  AND  Salary       -       -    57 

V 

His  Social  Life  and  Amusements  -        -67 

VI 

**  Sowing  HIS  Wild  Oats  "        -        -       -    99 
ix 


Contents 


VII 

PAGE 

In  Matters  OF  Dress        -        -        -        -  iii 


VIII 
His  Religious  Life  -----  123 

IX 

His  Attitude  toward  Women         -        -  139 

X 

The  Question  of  Marriage     -        -        -  153 


A  Correct  Knowledge  of 
Himself 


SUCCESSWARD 


A  CORRECT  KNOWLEDGE  OF  HIMSELF 

The  first  element  of  success  with  a 
young  man  starting  out  to  make  a  career 
is  a  correct  knowledge  of  himself.  He 
should,  before  he  attempts  anything,  un- 
derstand himself.  He  should  study  him- 
self. He  should  be  sure  that  he  has  a  cor- 
rect knowledge  of  his  own  nature,  his 
own  character,  and  his  own  capabilities. 
And  it  is  because  so  few  young  men  have 
this  knowledge  of  self  that  so  many  make 
disastrous  failures,  or  fail  to  achieve  what 
they  set  out  for  themselves. 

Every  man  in  this  world  is  created  dif- 

3 


Successward 

ferently;  no  two  are  alike.  Therefore, 
the  nature,  the  thoughts,  the  character,, 
the  capacity  of  one  man  is  utterly  unlike 
that  of  another.  What  one  man  can  un- 
derstand another  cannot.  The  success  of 
one  man  indicates  nothing  to  another. 
What  one  is  capable  of  doing  is  beyond 
the  power  of  another.  Hence  it  is  im- 
portant that,  first  of  all,  a  young  man 
should  look  into  himself,  find  out  what 
has  been  given  him,  and  come  to  a  clear 
understanding  of  what  he  can  do  and 
what  he  cannot  do. 

It  is  one  of  the  most  pitiable  sights  im- 
aginable to  see,  as  one  does  so  constantly, 
so  many  young  men  floundering  and  flut- 
tering from  one  phase  of  life  to  another, 
unable  to  fasten  upon  any  special  thing, 
simply  because  a  knowledge  of  them- 
selves is  absent.  The  result  is  that  we 
see  so  many  round  men  trying  to  fit 
themselves  into  square  holes. 

"  But,"  a  young  fellow  asks,  "  how 
in  the  world  do  you  get  an  understanding 
of  yourself?     How  do  you  go  about  it?  " 

4 


Knowledge  of  Himself 

No  definite  answer  can  be  given  to  the 
question,  any  more  than  can  a  certain 
rule  be  laid  down.  An  understanding  of 
one's  self  is  reached  by  different  methods 
by  different  people,  generally  each 
method  being  personal  to  one's  self.  But 
this  much  can  be  said:  every  thought, 
every  taste,  every  action,  reveals  our- 
selves to  ourselves,  and  it  is  in  the  ex- 
pression of  these  that  we  best  learn  our 
natures  and  our  characters.  We  see  our- 
selves with  unmistakable  accuracy,  for 
example  in  what  we  most  enjoy  in  read- 
ing, in  the  people  whose  company  pleases 
us  most,  in  the  things  that  interest  us; 
and  where  our  tastes  and  interests  lead 
us  we  are  generally  truest  to  ourselves. 

Some  writer  has  said  that  most  people 
find  themselves  out  best  while  they  are  at 
play,  upon  the  basis  that  a  man  shows  his 
real  side  in  the  pleasures  which  he  seeks 
and  enjoys.  This  is  true  in  a  large 
measure.  And  the  character  of  his  pleas- 
ures will  have  both  an  indirect  and  a  di- 
rect bearing  upon  the  more  practical  side 

5 


Successward 

of  his  nature.  If  a  young  man  visits  an 
art  gallery,  for  example,  and  finds  that 
the  pleasure  he  derives  from  the  pictures 
takes  the  form  of  recreation  to  the  mind, 
that  he  is  delighted  and  interested  in  the 
canvases  he  sees  so  long  as  he  is  before 
them,  but  feels  simply  refreshed  after  he 
leaves  the  gallery,  it  is  plain  that  his  na- 
ture is  not  one  suited  to  art  as  a  vocation. 
He  employs  the  picture  as  a  means  of 
recreation  from  some  other  study  which 
engrosses  him  more  closely.  If,  on  the 
other  hand,  his  instincts  lead  him  to  an 
art  gallery,  and  he  studies  rather  than  en- 
joys the  pictures  that  he  sees,  is  curious 
as  to  the  methods  of  the  artist,  and  goes 
away  with  his  mind  charged  with  the  in- 
tention of  getting  further  knowledge 
from  books  or  other  authorities,  of  what 
he  has  seen,  it  is  natural  to  assume  that 
the  art  instinct  or  taste  is  within  him,  and 
he  should  give  it  the  fullest  play  and 
chance  of  development.  But  he  should 
in  every  way  feel,  realize,  and  know  that 
a  love  of  art  possesses  him  before  he 

6 


Knowledge  of  Himself 

adopts  it  as  a  profession.  And  thus,  in 
a  way,  a  young  man  has  an  opportunity 
to  study  himself  through  his  pleasures. 

If,  as  a  further  example,  a  young  man 
finds  himself  seeking  the  company  of  men 
older  than  himself,  men  of  affairs  of  the 
world,  is  happiest  when  he  can  be  in  their 
company  and  hear  them  talk  of  business, 
chooses  the  reading  of  the  lives  of  suc- 
cessful men  as  his  literature,  and  leans 
toward  the  practical  side  of  life,  finding 
his  keenest  and  truest  enjoyment  amid 
the  bustle  of  the  mart,  the  indications  are 
that  his  nature  points  him  to  a  business 
career.  If  he  feels  this  way,  it  is  well  for 
him  to  give  his  developing  tastes  full 
play,  and  follow  where  his  instincts  lead 
him.  After  a  while  what  was  at  first 
mere  instinct  or  an  unformed  taste  will 
develop  and  point  him  to  something  defi- 
nite in  the  business  world,  and  if  he  be 
true  to  himself  he  will  sooner  or  later 
find  that  particular  position  he  is  best  fit- 
ted to  occupy  and  fill.  His  capacities 
will  reveal  themselves  to  him,  and  they 

7 


Successward 

will  teach  him  his  limitations.  This 
knowledge  need  not  thwart  his  ambitions, 
but  ambition  should  always  be  just  a  trifle 
behind  judgment,  if  possible,  or,  at  all 
events,  not  in  advance  of  it.  Ambition 
is  a  splendid  quality  if  properly  guided 
and  kept  within  check;  it  is  a  fatal 
possession  when  it  is  allowed  too  full  de- 
velopment or  sway.  Like  fire  or  water, 
it  is  a  capital  servant,  but  it  makes  a  poor 
master. 

I  think  in  this  connection  that  parents 
might  be  a  little  more  careful  than  they 
are  in  many  cases  how  they  try  to  dis- 
suade a  son  from  the  kind  of  work  for 
which  he  hungers  or  shows  decided  taste. 
It  may  not  always  be  agreeable  that  a  son 
wishes  to  be  a  physician.  The  parent 
would  rather  see  him  a  lawyer,  as  his 
father  is.  But  it  does  not  necessarily 
follow  that  his  son  can  be  one.  If  a  son's 
tastes  tend  toward  medicine,  great  care 
should  be  taken  how  his  tastes  are  at- 
tempted to  be  turned  toward  the  law. 
There  are  enough  bad  lawyers  now  who 

8 


Knowledge  of  Himself 

might  have  been  great  doctors  had  they 
been  left  to  choose  their  own  careers.  A 
prominent  New  York  man  identified  with 
the  two  leading  law  and  medical  schools 
of  that  city  told  me  not  long  ago  that  each 
year  these  schools  were  turning  out  scores 
of  young  men  who  drifted  at  once  into 
car  conductors,  station  agents  and  com- 
mercial clerks.  And  this  is  simply  because 
of  the  mistakes  of  parents  to  force  round 
pegs  into  square  holes.  It  cannot  be 
done.  No  sight  is  so  sad  as  a  son  forced 
by  his  parents  into  a  trade  or  profession 
which  is  uncongenial  and  distasteful  to 
him.  A  young  man  cannot  honestly  ^ 
make  a  success  in  any  business  unless  he 
loves  his  work,  any  more  than  a  husband 
can  be  happy  in  his  home  unless  he. loves 
his  wife. 

I  do  not  counsel  a  blind  following  of 
one's  self,  particularly  during  the  forma- 
tive years  of  life.  But  I  do  believe  most 
earnestly  that  every  man  is  given  a  cer- 
tain thing  to  do  in  the  world,  and  that,  by 
a  proper  study  of  himself,  he,  and  he 

9 


Successward 

alone,  can  arrive  at  the  clearest  and  sixr- 
est  knowledge  of  that  particular  object. 
One's  character  is  often  molded  through 
the  influence  of  another ;  but  it  is  equally 
true  that  every  man  is  the  architect  of  his 
own  fortune,  and  that  his  truest  course  in 
life  is  to  follow  not  the  guidance  of  an- 
other, but  his  own  instincts.  In  other 
words,  young  men  should,  as  early  in  life 
as  possible,  get  into  touch  with  the  idea 
of  their  own  responsibility,  and  be  taught 
the  great  lesson  that,  however  well  others 
may  advise,  they,  and  they  alone,  must 
carve  out  their  own  careers.  The  most 
successful  careers,  the  most  honorable 
lives  in  the  history  of  the  world  are  those 
which  have  been  shaped  by  their  own 
hands.  There  is  an  element  of  danger 
in  this,  of  course,  but  the  element  is  small 
in  comparison  with  the  greater  danger 
which  lies  in  the  formation  of  a  career 
against  one's  own  instincts. 

The  aspirations  of  the  young  are  not  to 
be  checked  by  the  experience  of  the  old. 
No  matter  how  rich  or  full  a  man's  ex- 
perience may  have  been,  it  counts  only  in 
lo 


Knowledge  of  Himself 

a  sense  of  general  application  to  another 
career  which  stands  upon  its  threshold. 
Years  should  teach  wisdom ;  but  if  we  all 
waited  for  years  to  bring  us  wisdom,  this 
world  would  be  a  sorry  place  to  live  in. 
Youthful  imaginings  may  lead  to  mis- 
takes, youthful  enthusiasm  may  en- 
counter disappointment,  but  only  experi- 
ence, real  and  actual,  can  demonstrate 
these  things  to  a  young  man.  And 
the  experience  is  good  for  him  if 
it  teaches  him  a  better  and  truer 
knowledge  of  himself  and  his  ca- 
pacities. The  greatest  figures  in 
the  w^orld's  history  show  that  they 
were  made  through  experience,  and  what 
experience  taught  them.  This  is  not  say- 
ing that  the  young  have  no  use  for  the 
old.  They  have.  But  the  rule  should 
be,  "  Young  men  for  action,  old  men  for 
counsel."  Experience  looks  backward ; 
enthusiasm  looks  forward.  It  is  the 
enthusiasm  of  youth  which  is  brave 
and  strong  and  attempts  the  impossible. 
If  we  attempted  only  the  possible  in  this 
world  we  should  soon  stop  where  we 
II 


Successward 

are;  it  is  for  the  young  man,  with  his 
enthusiasm,  to  battle  with  the  impossible 
and  carry  the  world  a  step  farther  on 
in  discovery,  if  not  in  actual  accomplish- 
ment. 

I  say  this  because  every  young  fellow 
ought  to  feel  that,  to  a  large  extent,  he 
stands  alone  for  himself  in  the  world. 
Counsel  he  should  seek,  but  action  is  his. 
And  to  make  that  action  sure  and  wise  it 
is  necessary  that  the  workman  should  un- 
derstand his  tools.  He  must  know  with 
what  he  has  to  work ;  and  once  sure  of 
his  tools,  he  must  learn  the  thing  he  has 
set  for  himself  to  do,  having  a  distinct 
purpose  in  view,  and,  being  fully  con- 
scious that  he  is  right  and  capable,  not 
allowing  himself  to  be  swerved  from  his 
aim.  After  acquiring  true  knowledge  of 
himself,  I  know  of  nothing  so  valuable  to 
a  young  man  as  an  absolute  distinctness 
of  purpose,  and  then  pursuing  that  pur- 
pose to  success.  In  natural  sequence 
comes,  therefore,  the  question  of  "  What 
really,  is  success  ?  " 

12 


II 

What,  Really,  Is  Success 


II 

WHAT,  REALLY,  IS  SUCCESS? 

Before  a  young  man  goes  into  busi- 
ness  it   is   necessary,   I   think,    that    he 
should  set  himself  straight  on  one  very 
important  point,  and  that  is  what  success 
in  business  really  is  and  means.     Unfor-  i_ 
tunately,  not  enough  has  been  written  on 
this  phase  of  the  topic.:    It  is  idle  for  a 
young  man  to  seek  out  the  methods  of 
success  before  he  is  really  clear  in  his 
mind    just    what    constitutes    success — 
until,  in  other  words,  he  finds  out  the  true 
definition  of  the  word.     And  very  few 
of  us  have  a  proper  and  correct  concep- 
tion of  it.    On  the  other  hand,  thousands 
of  us  have  the  wrong  notion.    In  this  age 
of  big  things,   particularly,   we  are   in- 
clined to  regard  success  as  synonymous 
only  with  the  higher  walks  of  life,  with 

15 


Successward 

great  achievements.  Success,  in  the 
minds  of  some,  is  something  which  is 
only  given  for  the  fortunate  to  achieve. 
Or  we  think  if  we  cannot  do  something 
which  sets  people  wondering  and  talking 
about  us,  if  our  heads  do  not  tower  above 
those  of  our  fellow-beings,  our  lives,  ifi^- 
not  altogether  negative,'  are  still  not  suc- 
cessful. In  other  words,  we  feel  that  a 
successful  life  is  the  doing  of  something 
momentous;  the  becoming  known  of  all 
men  and  women ;  the  being  exceptional 
to  the  rest  of  the  human  race.  Ask  ten 
persons  their  idea  of  success,  and  eight 
will  give  a  definition  of  it  along  these 
lines.  And  yet  scarcely  a  more  incorrect 
interpretation  of  a  successful  life  can  be 
imagined.  Along  this  line  of  thought, 
not  one  person  in  ten  thousand  lives  a 
successful  life,  since  statistics  have 
proven  that  it  is  only  this  percentage  of 
the  human  race  that  is  ever  heard  of  out- 
side of  its  immediate  circle  of  relatives 
and^  friends. 

It  is  given  to  very  few  of  us  to  say 
i6 


What,  Really,  Is  Success 

something  or  perform  some  action  which 
will  be  heard  of  by  the  world.  The 
greater  part  of  the  human  race  dies  as 
it  is  born,  unknown  and  unheard  of  by 
the  world  at  large.  Where  you  find  one 
leader  among  men  or  w^omen  you  will 
find  a  thousand  who  are  born  to  follow. 
The  instinct  of  leadership  is  rare — rare 
even  in  these  developing  days.  Hence, 
if  success  depended  upon  aggressive  in- 
stinct, its  votaries  would  be  few.  Suc- 
cess is  as  ofttimes  quietly  won. 

'  The  average  young  man  cannot  under- 
stand that  a  successful  life  is  just  as  pos- 
sible in  an  obscure  position  as  it  is  in  a 
conspicuous  one.  'It  does  not  seem  plain 
to  him  that  a  clerk  earning  five  hundred 
dollars  per  year  can  make  just  as  pro- 
nounced a  success  of  his  life  as  can  his 
employer,  whose  income  is  ten  thousand 
dollars  per  year.  To  be  a  successful 
subject  is  as  great  an  achievement  for 
the  subject  as  being  a  successful  ruler  is 
creditable  to  the  ruler.  ^  Every  man  born 
into  the  world  has  his  limitations,  and 

17 


Successward 

beyond  that  line  it  is  impossible  for  him 
to  go.  All  of  us  know  men  capable  of 
splendid  work  so  long  as  they  are  under 
direction,  but  who  have  either  made  or 
would  make  absolute  failures  as  directors. 
Other  men  chafe  under  direction;  they 
must  be  leaders.  But  success,  according 
to  their  capacities,  is  as  possible  with  the 
one  as  with  the  other. 

The  correct  definition  of  success  is  the 
favorable  termination  of  anything  at- 
tempted— a  termination,  in  other  words, 
which  answers  the  purpose  intended.  The 
writing  of  a  business  letter  can  be  made 
just  as  great  a  success  as  can  be  the 
drafting  of  a  presidential  proclamation. 
Success  never  depends  upon  conspicuity. 

A  commercial  success  won  on  conser- 
vative lines,  and  maintained  by  cautious 
and  prudent  methods,  is  the  success  most 
highly  regarded  in  the  business  world  to- 
day. The  meteoric  commercial  flash,  so 
admired  by  the  average  young  man,  sel- 
dom has  a  firm  foundation,  and  rarely 
commands  the  confidence  of  experienced 
i8 


What,  Really,  Is  Success 

business  men.  The  truest  success  is  that 
which  is  earned  slowly,  but  which  surely 
strengthens  itself.  It  is  very  important, 
therefore,  that  the  first  thing  for  a  young 
man  going  into  business  to  learn  is  to 
disassociate  success  from  the  more 
prominent  walks  in  life,  and  get  rid  of 
that  false  theory.  When  he  does  that, 
successful  living  will  have  a  deeper, 
fuller,  and  truer  meaning  for  him.  It 
w^ll  have  for  him  then  its  correct  mean- 
ing; that  success  is  possible  in  every 
position,  and  can  be  made  the  possession 
of  the  humblest  as  well  as  the  most 
powerful. 

^'K  successful  life  is  nothing  more  nor 
less  than  living  as  well  as  we  know  how 
and  doing  the  very  best  that  we  can.  And 
upon  that  basis,  which  is  the  only  true 
basis,,  naturally  no  success  can  be  meas- 
ured by  fame,  wealth,  or  station.  '  feome 
of  us  must  live  for  the  few,  as  others 
again  must  live  for  the  many,  just  as 
some  are  born  to  occupy  important  posi- 
tions   while    others    are    intended    for 

19 


Successward 

humbler  places.    But  "both  lives  are  suc- 
cessful. 

Let  a  young  man  be  thoroughly  fitted 
for  the  business  position  he  occupies, 
alert  to  every  opportunity,  and  embrac- 
ing it  to  its  fullest  possibility,  with  his 
methods  fixed  on  honorable  principles, 
and  he  is  a  successful  man.  It  does  not 
matter  whether  he  makes  a  thousand  dol- 
lars or  a  hundred  thousand  dollars.  He 
makes  a  success  of  his  particular  position. 
He  carries  to  a  successful  termination 
that  which  it  has  be-en  given  him  to  do, 
be  that  great  or  small.  If  the  work  he 
does,  and  does  well,  is  up  to  his  limita- 
tions he  is  a  success.  If  he  does  not  work 
up  to  his  capacity,  then  he  fails,  just  as 
he  fails,  too,  if  he  attempts  to  go  beyond 
his  mental  or  physical  limit.  There  is 
just  as  much  danger  on  one  side  of  man's 
limit-line  as  there  is  on  the  other.  The 
very  realization  of  one's  capacity  is  a  sign 
of  success.  It  is  an  old  saying  that  it  is 
a  wise  man  who  knows  when  he  has 
enough,  and  it  is  a  successful  man  who 
20 


What,  Really,  Is  Success 

never  goes  beyond  his  depth  in  business. 
This  is  a  truth  which  requires  experience 
to  see,  perhaps,  but  it  is  a  lesson  which 
Success  demands  that  her  votaries  shall 
learn,  and  learn  well.  "^Success  is  simply 
doing  anything  to  the  utmost  of  one's 
ability — making  as  much  of  one's  posi- 
tion as  it  is  possible  to  make. 


21 


Ill 

The  Young  Man  in  Business 


Ill 

TH'E   YOUNG    MAN    IN    BUSINESS 

Every  one  conversant  with  the  busi- 
ness life  of  any  of  our  cities,  large  or 
small,  will  agree  with  the  assertion  that 
more  business  opportunities  exist  to-day  ^ 
than  there  are  young  men  capable  of  em- 
bracing them,  and  that  the  demand  is  far 
in  excess  of  the  supply.  Positions  of  trust 
are  constantly  going  begging  for  the 
right  kind  of  young  men  to  fill  them. 
But  the  material  does  not  exist,  or,  if  it 
does,  it  certainly  has  a  most  unfortunate 
way  of  hiding  its  light  under  a  bushel; 
so  much  so  that  business  men  cannot  see 
even  a  glimmer  of  its  rays.  Let  a  po- 
^sition  of  any  real  importance  be- 
come open,  and  it  is  the  most 
difficult  kind  of  a  problem  to  find 
any  one  to  fill  it  satisfactorily.  Busi- 
es 


Successward 

ness  men  are  constantly  passing  through 
this  experience. 

Young  men  are  desired  in  the  great 
majority  of  positions  because  of  their 
progressive  ideas  and  capacity  to  en- 
dure work ;  in  fact,  '*  young  blood,"  as 
it  is  called,  is  preferred  nowadays  in  nine 
positions  out  of  every  ten.  The  young 
men  capable  of  filling  these  positions  are 
few.  For  the  most  part,  the  average 
young  man  is  incapable,  or,  if  he  be  not 
exactly  incapable  (I  am  willing  to  give 
him  the  benefit  of  the  doubt),  he  is  un- 
willing, which  is  even  worse.  That  ex- 
ceptions can  be  brought  up  to  controvert 
this  statement  I  know ;  but  I  am  dealing 
now  with  the  many,  and  not  with  the  few. 

It  is  the  exception  that  we  find  in 
business  a  young  man  who  is  some- 
thing more  than  a  plodder — a  mere  auto- 
matic machine.  As  a  general  rule,  the 
average  young  man  comes  to  his  office  at . 
eight  or  nine  o'clock  in  the  morning;  is 
faithful  in  the  duties  he  performs ;  goes 
to  lunch  at  twelve;  comes  back  at  one; 
26 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

takes  up  whatever  he  is  told  to  do  until 
five,  and  then  goes  home.  His  work  for 
the  day  is  done.  One  day  is  the  same  to 
him  as  another;  he  has  a  certain  routine 
of  duties  to  do,  and  he  does  them  day  in 
and  day  out,  month  in  and  month  out. 
His  duties  are  regulated  by  the  clock.  As 
that  points,  so  he  points.  Verily  it  is  true 
of  him  that  he  is  the  same  yesterday,  to- 
day, and  forever.  No  special  fault  can  be 
found  with  his  work.  Given  a  particular 
piece  of  work  to  do,  he  does  it  just  as  a 
machine  would.  Such  a  young  man,  too, 
generally  considers  himself  hard-worked 
— often  overworked  and  underpaid — 
wondering  all  the  time  why  his  employer 
does  not  recognize  his  value  and  advance 
his  salary.  "  I  do  everything  I  am  told 
to  do,"  he  argues,  "  and  I  do  it  well. 
What  more  can  I  do  ?  " 

This  is  simply  a  type  of  a  young  man 
who  exists  in  thousands  of  offices  and 
stores.  He  comes  to  his  work  each  day 
with  no  definite  point  or  plan  in  view ;  he 
leaves  it  with  nothing  accomplished.   He 

27 


Successward 

is  a  mere  automaton.  Let  him  die,  and 
his  position  can  be  filled  in  twenty-four 
hours.  If  he  detracts  nothing  from  his 
employer's  business  he  certainly  adds 
nothing  to  it.  He  never  advances  an 
idea;  is  absolutely  devoid  of  creative 
powers ;  his  position  remains  the  same 
after  he  has  been  in  it  for  five  years  as 
when  he  came  to  it. 

Now  I  would  not  for  a  moment  be  un- 
derstood as  belittling  the  value  of  faith- 
fulness in  an  employee.  But,  after  all, 
faithfulness  is  nothing  more  nor  less  than 
a  negative  quality.  By  faithfulness  a 
man  can  hold  a  position  a  lifetime.  He 
will  keep  it  just  where  he  found  it.  But 
by  the  exercise  of  this  single  quality  he 
does  not  add  to  the  importance  of  the  po- 
sition any  more  than  he  adds  to  his  own 
value.  It  is  not  enough  that  it  should  be 
said  of  a  young  man  that  he  is  faithful; 
he  must  be  something  more.  The  willing- 
ness and  capacity  to  be  faithful  to  the 
smallest    detail  must  be  there,    serving 


28 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

only,  however,    as    a    foundation  upon 
which  other  quahties  are  built. 

Altogether  too  many  young  men  are 
content  to  remain  in  the  positions  in 
which  they  find  themselves.  The 
thought  of  studying  the  needs  of 
their  position  and  of  broadening 
it  never  seems  to  enter  into  their 
minds.  I  believe  it  is  possible  for 
every  young  man  to  rise  above  his 
position,  and  I  care  not  how  humble  that 
position  may  be,  nor  under  what  disad- 
vantages he  may  be  placed.  But  he  must 
be  alert.  He  must  not  be  afraid  of  work, 
and  of  the  hardest  kind  of  work.  He 
must  study  not  only  to  please,  but  he 
must  go  a  step  beyond.  It  is  essential, 
of  course,  that  he  should  first  of  all  fill 
the  position  for  which  he  is  engaged.  No 
man  can  solve  the  problem  of  business 
before  he  understands  the  rudiments 
of  the  problem  itself.  Once  the  re- 
quirements of  a  position  are  understood 
and  mastered,  then  its  possibilities  should 


29 


'  Successward 

be  undertaken.  It  is  foolish  to  argue,  as 
some  young  men  do,  that  to  go  beyond 
one's  special  position  is  made  impossible 
by  an  employer.  The  employer  never  ex- 
isted who  will  prevent  the  cream  of  his 
establishment  from  rising  to  the  surface. 
The  advance  of  an  employee  always 
means  the  advance  of  the  employer's  in- 
terest. Every  employer  would  rather  pay 
a  young  man  five  thousand  dollars  a  year 
than  five  hundred.  What  is  to  the  young- 
man's  interests  is  in  a  far  greater  degree 
to  the  interests  of  his  employer.  A  five- 
hundred-dollar  clerkship  is  worth  just 
that  amount  to  an  employer,  and  nothing 
more.  But  a  five-thousand-dollar  man  is 
generally  worth  five  times  that  sum  to  a 
business.  A  young  man  makes  of  a  po- 
sition exactly  what  he  chooses,  either  a 
millstone  around  his  neck  or  a  stepping- 
stone  to  larger  success.  The  possibilities 
lie  in  every  position ;  seeing  and  embrac- 
ing them  rest  with  him.  The  lowest  po- 
sition can  be  broadened  and  made  the 
chrysalis  for  the  development    of    new 

30 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

strength  to  master  other  and  greater 
problems. 

/  A  substantial  success  means  several 
things.  It  calls,  in  the  first  place,  for 
concentration.  There  is  no  truth  so  po- 
tent as  that  which  tells  us  that  we  cannot 
serve  God  and  Mammon.  Nor  can  any 
young  man  successfully  serve  two  busi- 
ness interests,  no  matter  how  closely 
allied ;  in  fact,  the  more  closely  the  inter- 
ests the  more  dangerous  are  they.  The 
human  mind  is  capable  of  just  so  much 
clear  thought,  and  generally  it  does  not 
extend  beyond  the  requirements  of  one 
position  in  these  days  of  keen  competi- 
tion. If  there  exists  a  secret  of  success, 
it  lies,  perhaps,  in  concentration  more 
than  in  any  other  single  element.  Dur- 
ing business  hours  a  man  should  be  in 
business.  His  thoughts  should  be  on 
nothing  else.  Diversions  of  thought  are 
killing  to  the  best  endeavors.  The  suc- 
cessful mastery  of  business  questions 
calls  for  a  personal  interest,  a  forgetful- 
ness  of  self,  that  can  only  come  from  the 

31 


Successward 

closest  application  and  the  most  absolute 
concentration.  I  go  so  far  in  my  belief 
of  concentration  to  business  interests  in 
business  hours  as  to  argue  that  a  young 
man's  personal  letters  have  no  right  to 
come  to  his  office  address,  nor  should  he 
receive  his  social  friends  at  his  desk.  Bus- 
iness hours  are  none  too  long  in  the  great 
majority  of  our  offices — and  they  never 
seem  so  to  the  right  young  man — and 
with  a  rest  of  one  hour  for  luncheon,  no 
one  has  a  right  to  chop  ofif  fifteen  minutes 
here  to  read  an  irrelevant  personal  letter, 
or  fifteen  minutes  there  to  talk  with  a 
friend  whose  conversation  distracts  the 
mind  from  the  problems  before  it.  Di- 
gression is  just  as  dangerous  as  stagna- 
tion in  the  career  of  a  young  man  in  busi- 
ness. There  is  absolutely  no  position 
worth  the  having  in  business  life  to-day 
to  which  a  care  of  other  interests  can  be 
added.  Let  a  man  serve  the  interests  of 
one  master,  and  if  he  serves  him  well  he 
has  his  hands  and  his  head  full. 

There  is  a  class  of  ambitious  young 

32 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

men  who  have  what  they  choose  to  call 
*'  an  anchor  to  the  windward  "  in  their 
business ;  that  is,  they  maintain  some- 
thing in  addition  to  their  regular  position. 
They  do  this  from  necessity,  they  claim. 
One  position  does  not  offer  sufficient 
scope  for  their  powers  or  talents,  does 
not  bring  them  sufficient  income ;  they 
are  "  forced,"  they  explain,  to  take  on 
something  in  addition.  I  have  person- 
ally known  a  number  of  such  young  men. 
But  so  far  as  I  have  been  able  to  discern, 
the  trouble  does  not  lie  so  much  with  the 
position  they  occupy  as  with  themselves. 
When  a  man  turns  away  from  the  posi- 
tion he  holds  to  outside  affairs,  he  turns 
just  so  far  away  from  the  surest  path  of 
success.  To  do  one  thing  perfectly  is 
better  than  to  do  two  things  only  fairly 
well.  It  was  told  me  once,  of  one  of  our 
best-known  actors,  that  outside  of  his 
stage-knowledge  he  knew  absolutely 
nothing.  But  he  acted  well — so  well 
that  he  stands  to-day  at  the  head  of 
his  profession.     All-around  geniuses  are 

S3 


Successward 

rare — so  rare  that  we  can  hardly  find 
them.  It  is  a  pleasant  thing  to  be  able  to 
talk  well  on  many  topics ;  but,  after  all, 
that  is  but  a  social  accomplishment.  To 
know  one  thing  absolutely  means  ma- 
terial success  and  commercial  and  mental 
superiority.  I  dare  say  that  if  some  of 
our  young  men  understood  the  needs  of 
the  positions  they  occupy  more  fully  than 
they  do,  the  necessity  for  outside  work 
would  not  exist. 

Right  in  line  with  this  phase  of  a 
young  man's  work  comes  the  necessity  of 
his  learning  that  he  cannot  do  evening 
work  and  be  employed  the  entire  day  as 
well.  It  is  the  most  difficult  thing  for 
ambitious  young  men  to  understand  that 
night-work  is  physically  and  mentally 
detrimental  to  the  best  business  success. 
Let  a  machine  run  night  and  day,  and  be- 
fore long  it  will  break  down ;  and  what  a 
mechanism  of  iron  and  steel  cannot  bear, 
the  human  organism  certainly  cannot 
stand.  If  a  young  man  employs  his  even- 
ings for  work,  he  unfits  himself  for  his 

34 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

work  during  the  day.  The  mind  needs 
diversion,  recreation,  rest ;  and  any  men- 
taHty  kept  at  a  certain  tension  for  more 
than  seven  or  eight  hours  per  day  will 
sooner  or  later  lose  its  keen  perceptive 
powers.  No  young  man  true  to  his  best 
and  wisest  interests  will  employ  his  even- 
ings in  the  same  line  of  thought  as  that 
which  engrosses  him  during  the.  day. 
Mental  work  is  unlike  manual  labor  in 
that  it  tires  without  physical  exhaustion ; 
and  because  the  worker  does  not  feel  it 
as  much  when  he  uses  his  head  for  ten  or 
twelve  hours  per  day  as  he  would  if  he 
used  the  muscles  for  that  period  of  time, 
he  goes,  nevertheless,  unconsciously  be- 
yond his  powers  of  strength.  Unknown 
to  him,  the  strain  leaves  its  mark  upon 
the  mind.  Youthful  vigor  throws  its 
effects  off  for  a  while,  but  not  perma- 
nently ;  and  a  man's  early  break-down 
when  he  should  be  at  the  zenith  of  his 
powers  in  middle  life  is  very  often  di- 
rectly traceable  to  an  overtaxing  of  his 
powers  in  early  life.     But  not  only  is  the 

35 


Successward 

effect  one  of  a  future  nature ;  it  is  notice- 
able at  the  time  of  the  indiscretion.  It  is 
seen  in  the  inabihty  of  the  mind  to  re- 
spond quickly  to  some  suggestion  at  the 
office ;  and  how  can  it  be  otherwise  when 
the  mind  has  been  worked  beyond  its  nor- 
mal capacity?  There  is  no  question  in 
my  mind  whatever  that  a  young  man  is 
untrue  to  the  interests  of  his  employer 
when  he  allows  himself  to  work  during 
the  evening  hours.  Although  he  may  not 
be  conscious  of  it  himself,  he  does  not 
come  to  his  work  the  following  morning 
as  fresh  as  he  would  if  the  mind  had  been 
given  a  season  of  diversion  and  rest. 

A  fatal  error  in  the  case  of  many 
young  men  is  that  they  reach  a  point 
where  they  make  no  progress.  Now 
stagnation  in  a  young  man's  career  is 
hut  a  synonym  for  starvation,  since  there 
is  no  such  thing  as  standing  still  in  the 
business  world  of  to-day.  Either  we  go 
backward  or  we  go  forward.  When  a 
young  man  fails  to  keep  abreast  of  the 
possibilities    of    his    position  he  recedes 

36 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

constantly,  if  unconsciously,  perhaps. 
The  young  man  who  progresses  is  he 
who  enters  into  the  spirit  of  the  business 
of  his  employer,  and  who  originates  new 
methods,  new  ideas,  new  channels,  and 
new  outputs.  There  is  not  a  more  direct 
road  to  the  confidence  of  an  employer 
than  for  that  employer  to  see  that  any  one 
of  his  clerks  thoroughly  understands  not 
only  the  details  of  his  office,  but  catches 
the  spirit  and  policy  of  the  business  and 
is  in  intelligent  sympathy  with  it.  That 
young  man  commands  the  attention  of 
his  chief  at  once,  and  when  a  vacancy 
occurs  he  is  apt  to  step  into  it,  if  he  does 
not  forge  over  the  shoulders  of  others. 
Young  men  who  think  clearly,  who  can 
conceive,  create,  and  carry  out,  are  not 
so  plentiful  that  even  a  single  one  will  be 
lost  sight  of. 

It  is  no  special  art,  and  it  reflects  but 
little  credit  upon  any  man,  to  simply  fill 
a  position.  That  is  expected  of  him ;  he 
is  engaged  to  do  that,  and  it  is  only  a  fair 
return  for  a  certain  payment  made.    The 

37 


Successward 

art  lies  in  doing  more  than  was  bargained 
for;  in  proving  greater  than  was  ex- 
pected; in  making  more  of  a  position 
than  has  ever  been  made  before.  A 
quick  conception  is  needed  here,  the  abil- 
ity to  view  a  broad  horizon ;  for  it  is  the 
liberal-minded  man,  not  the  man  of  nar- 
row limitations,  who  makes  the  success 
of  to-day.  A  young  man  showing  such 
qualities  to  an  employer  does  not  remain 
in  one  position  long.  The  difference  be- 
tween a  successful  clerk  and  an  unsuc- 
cesful  one  is  that  the  one  makes  more  of 
his  position  than  has  ever  been  made 
of  it :  the  other  keeps  it  where  it  is  and  it 
keeps  him  there. 

Two  traps  in  which  young  men  in  busi- 
ness often  fall  are  a  disregard  for  small 
things,  and  an  absolute  fear  of  making 
mistakes.  One  of  the  surest  keys  to  suc- 
cess lies  in  thoroughness.  No  matter  how 
great  may  be  the  enterprise  undertaken, 
a  regard  for  the  small  things  is  necessary. 
Just  as  the  little  courtesies  of  every-day 
life  make  life  worth  the  living,  so  the 

38 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

little  details  form  the  bone  and  sinew  of 
a  great  success.  A  thing  half  or  three- 
quarters  done  is  worse  than  not  done  at 
all.  Let  a  man  be  careful  of  the  small 
things  in  business,  and  he  can  generally 
be  relied  upon  for  the  greater  ones,  pro- 
vided, of  course,  that  he  possesses  broad- 
ness of  mind.  The  man  who  can  over- 
come small  worries  is  greater  than  the 
man  who  can  override  great  obstacles. 
When  a  young  man  becomes  so  ambitious 
for  large  success  that  he  overlooks  the 
small  things,  he  is  pretty  apt  to  encounter 
failure.  There  is  nothing  in  business  so 
infinitesimal  that  we  can  afford  to  do  it 
in  a  slipshod  fashion.  It  is  no  art  to 
answer  twenty  letters  in  a  morning  when 
they  are,  in  reality,  only  half  answered. 
When  we  commend  brevity  in  business 
letters  we  do  not  mean  brusqueness. 
Nothing  stamps  the  character  of  a  house 
so  clearly  as  the  letters  it  sends  out. 

The  fear  of  making  mistakes  keeps 
many  a  young  man  down.  Of  course  er- 
rors in  business  are  costly,  and  it  is  bet- 

39 


Successward 

ter  not  to  make  them.  But,  at  the  same 
time,  I  would  not  give  a  snap  of  the  fin- 
ger for  a  young  man  who  never  makes 
mistakes.  But  there  are  mistakes  and 
mistakes ;  some  easy  to  be  overlooked, 
and  others  it  is  better  not  to  blink  at  in  an 
employee.  A  mistake  of  judgment  is 
possible  with  us  all ;  the  best  of  us  are  not 
above  a  wrong  decision.  And  a  young 
man  who  holds  back  for  fear  of  making 
mistakes  loses  the  first  point  of  success. 
I  know  there  are  thousands  of  young 
men  who  feel  themselves  incompetent  for 
a  business  career  because  of  a  lack  of 
early  education.  And  here  might  come 
in  the  oft-mooted  question  of  the  exact 
value  of  a  college  education  to  the  young 
man  in  business.  But  far  abler  pens  than 
mine  have  treated  of  this.  I  will  simply 
say  this :  a  young  man  need  not  feel  that 
the  lack  of  a  college  education  will  stand 
in  any  respect  whatever  in  the  way  of  his 
success  in  the  business  world.  No  col- 
lege on  earth  ever  made  a  business  man. 
The  knowledge  acquired  in  college  has 
40 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

fitted  thousands  of  men  for  professional 
success,  but  it  has  also  unfitted  other 
thousands  for  a  practical  business  career. 
A  college  training  is  never  wasted,  al- 
though I  have  seen  again  and  again  five- 
thousand-dollar  educations  spent  on  five- 
hundred-dollar  men.  Where  a  young 
man  can  bring  a  college  education  to  the 
requirements  of  a  -practical  business 
knowledge  it  is  an  advantage.  But  be- 
fore our  American  colleges  become  an 
absolute  factor  in  the  business  capacities 
of  men,  their  methods  of  study  and  learn- 
ing will  have  to  be  radically  changed.  I 
have  had  associated  with  me  both  kinds 
of  young  men,  collegiate  and  non-colle- 
giate, and  I  must  confess  that  the  ones 
who  had  a  better  knowledge  of  the  prac- 
tical part  of  life  have  been  those  who 
never  saw  the  inside  of  a  college  and 
whose  feet  never  stood  upon  a  campus. 
College-bred  men  and  men  who  never 
had  college  advantages  have  succeeded 
in  about  equal  ratios.  Hundreds  of  men 
occupying  the  most  important  commer- 

41 


Successward 

cial  positions  in  the  great  cities  derived 
their  only  education  from  contact  with 
that  greatest  college  of  all,  the  business 
world.  Far  be  it  from  me  to  depreciate 
the  value  of  a  college  education.  I 
believe  in  its  advantages  too  firmly. 
But  no  young  man  need  feel  hampered 
because  of  the  lack  of  it.  If  business 
qualities  are  in  him  they  will  come 
to  the  surface.  It  is  not  the  college 
education ;  it  is  the  young  man.  Without 
its  possession  as  great  and  honorable  suc- 
cesses have  been  made  as  with  it.  Men 
are  not  accepted  in  the  business  world 
upon  their  collegiate  diplomas,  nor  on  the 
knowledge  these  imply.  They  are  taken 
for  what  they  are,  for  what  they  know, 
for  what  they  can  do. 

The  young  man  engaged  in  business 
to-day  in  this  country  has  advantages  ex- 
ceeding those  of  any  generation  before 
him.  And  I  do  not  say  this  simply  as  an 
echo  of  what  others  before  me  have  said, 
or  to  use  a  platitudinous  phrase.  There 
never    was    a    time    in    the    history    of 

42 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

America  when  a  young  man  has  the 
opportunity  to  make  something  of  him- 
self as  at  the  present  day.  He  Hves  in  a 
country  where  every  success  is  possible ; 
where  a  man  can  make  of  himself  what 
he  may  choose ;  where  energy  and  enter- 
prise are  appreciated,  and  a  market  is 
always  ready  for  good  wares.  Young 
men  have  forged  to  the  front  wonderfully 
during  the  past  ten  years.  Employers 
are  more  than  ever  willing  to  lay  great 
responsibilities  on  their  shoulders.  Sal- 
aries are  higher  than  ever ;  young  men 
never  before  earned  the  incomes  which 
are  received  by  some  to-day.  Success  is 
possible  to  every  one  capable  of  achiev- 
ing it. 

But  a  young  man  must  be  alert  to 
every  opportunity.  He  cannot  forget 
himself  for  a  moment  in  business.  A 
man's  best  working  years  are  not  many, 
and  when  they  are  upon  him  he  must 
make  hay,  and  all  the  hay  he  can.  No 
young  man  can  afford  to  reach  the  age  of 
thirty  without  feeling  that  he  is  settled  in 

43 


Successward 

a  business  way.  Before  that  time  he 
flounders  of  necessity;  but  at  thirty  the 
floundering  time  should  be  over.  He 
should  have  found  that  special  trade  or 
profession  for  which  he  thinks  he  is  most 
capable.  This  age  is  generally  accepted, 
I  believe,  for  the  reason  that  a  man  is 
most  likely  to  do  his  best  work  between 
thirty  and  fifty ;  after  fifty  a  man's  work 
is  not  apt  to  have  that  energy  and  snap 
that  is  born  of  youth,  and  the  tendency 
is  first  shown  in  his  willingness  to  depu- 
tize details  to  others.  I  do  not  mean  to 
say  that  a  man  begins  to  decline  at  fifty ; 
on  the  contrary,  he  is  at  his  prime.  But 
he  is  better  for  judgment  than  he  is  for 
working  out  details.  A  man's  real  work, 
his  energetic  work,  his  laborious  work, 
is  generally  done  before  he  reaches  the 
half-century  period. 

And  not  only  must  he  practically  make 
himself  between  thirty  and  fifty,  but  he 
must  not  spend  all  that  he  earns.  He 
must  lay  aside  a  goodly  portion  of  his 
earnings.     It  is  a  cruel  but  a  hard  fact 

44 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

that  the  business  world  has  very  Httle  use 
for  what  are  termed  old  men  nowadays ; 
and  in  these  times  of  keen  competitive 
strife  a  man  is  judged  to  be  old  very  early 
from  the  cold  commercial  point  of  view. 
He  may  not  consider  himself  as  being^ 
old,  but  he  is  no  longer  considered  to  be 
"  in  the  race "  with  the  younger  men, 
who  naturally  have  quicker  perceptions 
and  whose  sense  of  alertness  is  neces- 
sarily keener.  The  most  successful  man 
at  forty  is  very  often  the  man  who  is 
quietly  pushed  aside  at  sixty.  If  young 
men  earning  good  incomes  between  thirty 
and  fifty  would  look  a  little  ahead,  and 
consider  the  inevitable  fact  that  as  they 
grow  older  their  value  is  very  apt  to  les- 
sen in  a  commercial  sense,  they  would 
save  themselves  much  after-humiliation 
and  sorrowful  retrospection.  It  is  hard 
for  a  young  man  at,  say,  thirty-five,  in 
the  full  flush  and  vigor  of  manhood,  to 
realize  that  a  time  will  come  when  others 
as  clever  as  himself  and  a  bit  cleverer 
will  pass  him  by.     But  the  fact  exists, 

45 


Successward 

nevertheless,  and  he  is  wise  who,  at  his 
prime,  thinks  of  a  time  which  comes  to 
the  vast  majority  of  men. 

And  yet,  while  a  young  man  may  be 
ambitious  for  success  in  business,  he  can- 
not afford  to  get  impatient  or  restless. 
Not  long  ago  I  received  a  letter  from  a 
young  fellow  which  particularly  reflected 
the  feeling  that  I  mean.  He  wrote  me 
that  he  was  twenty,  and  was  impatient 
because  he  did  not  make  the  progress  in 
his  business  which  he  felt  that  he  should. 
He  confessed  that  he  was  not  so  very 
much  dissatisfied  with  his  salary,  which 
was  twenty-two  dollars  per  week,  al- 
though he  thought  it  ought  to  be  forty 
dollars.  Unfortunately  for  him,  how- 
ever, his  employers  did  not  seem  to  think 
so,  and  he  was  quite  sure  he  was  "being 
kept  back."  He  conceded  that  he  was 
'*  becoming  impatient,"  but  insisted  that 
he  had  reason  to  feel  so. 

Well,  I  felt  precisely  the  same  way 
when  I  was  twenty;  only  my  salary 
was  eighteen  dollars  per  week,  and  I 
46 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

felt  quite  sure  that  the  figures  ought  to 
be  much  larger.  And  there  were  several 
positions  just  beyond  me,  too,  which  I 
felt  I  should  justly  be  asked  to  occupy. 
But  I  was  not,  and,  of  course,  felt 
aggrieved.  I  considered  myself  imposed 
upon.  Now  when  I  look  back  upon  that 
time  it  is  easy  to  see  that  the  reason  my 
salary  was  not  eighty  instead  of  eighteen 
dollars  was  simply  because  I  was  incapa- 
ble of  earning  that  amount.  I  was  not 
worth  it  to  my  employer.  And  the 
reason  I  did  not  get  those  several  posi- 
tions just  ahead  of  me  was  because  I 
could  not  have  filled  them  if  I  had  gotten 
them — not  one  of  them.  But  I  am  a 
little  more  than  twenty  now,  and  my 
correspondent,  when  he  is  about  ten  years 
older,  will  understand  a  great  many 
things  that  are  not  very  clear  to  him  just 
now.  Of  course  he  probably  will  not 
choose  to  believe  this ;  youths  of  twenty 
are  not  apt  to  believe  much  that  is  told 
them. 

But,  if  I  were  back  to  twenty  again, 

47 


Successward 

and  happened  to  have  a  Httle  later 
knowledge,  and  were  earning  twenty-' 
two  dollars  per  week,  I  should  not 
only  be  satisfied,  but  should  be  intensely 
thankful.  I  think,  too,  that  the  knowl- 
edge that  there  were  thousands  of  men 
of  forty  and  fifty  years  who  were  not 
earning  as  much  would  help  me  to  endure 
the  ordeal.  I  think  that  instead  of  re- 
belling at  the  fact  that  I  was  earning 
twenty-two  dollars,  I  should  rather  de- 
vote my  time  to  trying  to  find  the  best 
way  of  doubling  it.  I  might  not  be  able 
to  make  twenty-five  dollars  for  a  year  or 
two,  but  I  should  endeavor  to  do  so.  In 
fact,  if  we  look  over  the  field,  there  are 
more  young  men  of  twenty-one  who  are 
worth  less  than  twenty-five  dollars  per 
week  than  there  are  who  are  worth  that 
or  more.  And  one  proof  of  this  is  found 
in  the  fact  that  in  New  York  City  alone 
there  are  tens  of  thousands  of  young  men 
at  that  age  who  are  not  earning  fourteen 
dollars  per  week.  In  addition  to  all  this 
I  might  be  tempted  to  believe  that  too 
48 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

rapid  advance  might  not  be  the  best  thing" 
in  the  world  for  me.  Too  large  an  in- 
come, even  when  deserved,  is  far  often 
more  a  hindrance  to  a  young  man  of 
twenty-one  or  thereabouts  than  a  help. 
What  I  should  feel  willing  to  do  would 
be  this :  if  I  felt  that  my  employer  was  a 
man  of  honor  and  judgment  I  should 
leave  myself  in  his  hands  for  a  while.  I 
should  do  him  the  courtesy  of  believing 
that  he  knew  more  than  I  did.  A  man 
at  fifty  is  sometimes  apt  to  know  more — 
if  only  a  very  little  more — than  a  boy  of 
twenty ;  and  if  I  had  his  confidence  and 
felt  that  I  was  pleasing  him  with  my 
services,  I  should  let  him  go  at  that — for 
a  time,  at  any  rate. 

There  are  hundreds  of  young  men  in 
business  to-day  who  feel  just  as  restless 
and  impatient  as  did  this  correspondent. 
But  these  young  men  should  bear  a  few 
things  in  mind.  They  should  remember, 
first  of  all,  that  between  the  years  of 
twenty  and  twenty-five  a  young  man 
acquires  rather  than  achieves.     It  is  the 

49 


Successward 

learning  period  of  life,  the  experience- 
gaining  time.  Knowledge  that  is  worth 
anything  does  not  come  to  us  until  we  are 
past  twenty-five.  The  mind  before  that 
age  is  incapable  of  forming  wise  judg- 
ments. The  great  art  of  accurate  de- 
cision in  business  matters  is  not  acquired 
in  a  few  weeks  of  commercial  life.  It  is 
the  result  of  years.  It  is  not  only  the 
power  within  himself,  but  the  experience 
behind  him,  that  makes  a  successful  busi- 
ness man.  The  commercial  world  is  only 
a  greater  school  than  the  one  of  slates 
and  slate-pencils.  No  boy,  after  attend- 
ing school  for  five  years,  would  consider 
himself  competent  to  teach.  And  surely 
five  years  of  commercial  apprenticeship 
will  not  fit  a  young  man  to  assume  a  po- 
sition of  trust,  nor  give  him  the  capacity 
to  decide  upon  important  business  mat- 
ters. In  the  first  five  years — yes,  in  the 
first  ten  years — of  a  young  man's  busi- 
ness life  he  is  only  in  the  primary  depart- 
ment oi  the  great  commercial  world.  It 
is  for  him,  then,  to  study  methods,  to  ob- 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

serve  other  men — in  short,  to  learn  and 
not  to  hope  to  achieve.  That  will  come 
later.  Business,  simple  as  it  may  look  to 
the  young  man,  is,  nevertheless,  a  very 
intricate  affair,  and  it  is  only  by  years  of 
closest  study  that  we  master  an  under- 
standing of  it. 

The  electric  atmosphere  of  the  Ameri- 
can business  world  is  all  too  apt  to  make 
our  young  men  impatient.  They  want  to 
fly  before  they  can  even  walk  well.  Am- 
bition is  a  splendid  thing  in  any  young 
man.  But  getting  along  too  fast  is  just 
as  injurious  as  getting  along  too  slow. 
A  young  man  between  twenty  and 
twenty-five  must  be  patient.  It  is  true 
that  patience  is  a  difficult  thing  to  culti- 
vate, but  it  is  among  the  first  lessons  we 
must  learn  in  business.  A  good  stock  of 
patience,  acquired  in  early  life,  will  stand 
a  man  in  good  stead  in  later  years.  It  is 
a  handy  thing  to  have  and  draw  upon, 
and  makes  a  splendid  safety-valve.  Be- 
cause a  young  man,  as  he  approaches 
twenty-five,   begins   to   see   things   more 

51 


Successward 

plainly  than  he  did  five  years  before,  he 
must  not  get  the  idea  that  he  is  a  business 
man  yet,  and  entitled  to  a  man's  salary. 
If  business  questions  which  he  did  not 
understand  five  years  before  now  begin 
to  look  clearer  to  him,  it  is  because  he  is 
passing  through  the  transitory  state  that 
divides  the  immature  judgment  of  the 
young  man  from  the  ripening  penetration 
of  the  man.  He  is  simply  beginning. 
From  that  point  he  will  grow,  and  his 
salary  will  grow  as  he  grows.  But  Rome 
was  not  built  in  a  day,  and  a  business 
man  is  not  made  in  a  night.  As  exper- 
ience comes,  the  judgment  will  become 
mature ;  and  by  the  time  the  young  man 
reaches  thirty  he  will  begin  to  realize  that 
he  did  not  know  as  much  at  twenty-five 
as  he  thought  he  did.  And  when  he  is 
ready  to  learn  from  others  he  will  begin 
to  grow  wise. 

And  so  to  a  young  man  in  business  or 
just  starting  in  business  I  would  say,  re- 
member these  very  essential  truths: 

Above  all  things,  before  a  young  man 

52 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

attempts  to  make  a  success  he  should 
convince  himself  that  he  is  in  a  congenial 
business.  Whether  it  be  a  trade  or  a 
profession — both  are  honorable  and  pro- 
ductive— let  him  satisfy  himself,  above 
everything  else,  that  it  enlists  his  personal 
interest,  his  enthusiasm.  If  a  man  shows 
that  he  has  his  work  at  heart  his  success, 
to  the  limit  of  his  capabilities,  can  be 
relied  on.  Personal  interest  in  any  work 
will  bring  other  things ;  but  all  the  other 
essentials  combined  cannot  create  per- 
sonal interest.  That  must  exist  first ;  then 
two  thirds  of  the  battle  is  won.  Fully 
satisfied  that  he  is  in  that  particular  line 
of  business  for  which  he  feels  a  stronger, 
warmer  interest  than  for  any  other,  then 
he  should  remember: 

First,  that,  whatever  else  he  may  strive 
to  be,  he  must,  above  all,  be  absolutely 
honest.  What  the  business  world  needs 
to-day  is  not  men  of  brilliancy  or  of  su- 
preme cleverness,  but  men  of  common 
honesty  and  homely  integrity.  From 
plain    common    honorable    principles    a 

53 


Successward 

young  man  can  never  swerve.  A  tem- 
porary success  is  often  possible  on 
what  are  not  exactly  dishonest,  but 
*'  shady  "  Hues.  Such  success,  however, 
is  only  temporary,  with  a  certainty  of 
permanent  loss.  The  surest  business  suc- 
cesses— yes,  the  only  successes  worth  the 
making — are  built  upon  honest  founda- 
tions. There  can  be  no  ''  blinking "  at 
the  truth  or  at  honesty,  no  half-way  com- 
promise. There  is  but  one  way  to  be  suc- 
cessful, and  that  is  to  be  absolutely  hon- 
est; and  there  is  but  one  way  of  being 
honest.  Honesty  is  not  only  the  founda- 
tion, but  the  capstone  as  well,  of  business 
success. 

Second,  he  must  be  alert,  alive  to  every 
opportunity.  He  cannot  afford  to  lose  a 
single  point,  for  that  single  point  might 
prove  the  very  link  that  would  make  com- 
plete the  entire  chain  of  a  business  suc- 
cess. 

Third,  he  must  ever  be  willing  to  learn, 
never  overlooking  the  fact  that  others 
have  long  ago  forgotten  what  he  has  still 
\  54 


The  Young  Man  in  Business 

to  learn.  Firmness  of  decision  is  an  ad- 
mirable trait  in  business.  The  young 
man  whose  opinion  can  be  tossed  from 
one  side  to  another  is  poor  material.  But 
youth  is  full  of  errors,  and  caution  is  a 
strong  trait. 

Fourth,  if  he  be  wise  he  will  entirely 
avoid  the  use  of  liquors.  If  the  question 
of  harm  done  by  intoxicating  liquors  is 
an  open  one,  the  question  of  the  good 
derived  from  it  is  not. 

Fifth,  let  him  remember  that  a  young 
man's  strongest  recommendation  is  his 
respectability.  Some  young  men,  ap- 
parently successful,  may  be  flashy  in 
dress,  loud  in  manner,  and  disrespectful 
of  women  and  sacred  things.  But  the 
young  man  who  is  respectable  always 
wears  best.  The  way  a  young  man  car- 
ries himself  in  his  private  life  ofttimes 
means  much  to  him  in  his  business  career. 
No  matter  where  he  is,  or  in  whose  com- 
pany, respectability,  and  all  that  it  im- 
plies, will  always  command  respect. 


55 


Successward 

And  if  any  young  man  wishes  a  set  of 
rules  even  more  concise,  here  it  is : 

First  of  all,  do  everything  that  means 
a  better  physical  condition,  for  when  all 
has  been  said :  the  foundation  of  all  suc- 
cess is  good  health.  And  the  greatest 
help  to  this  is  to  sleep  eight  hours  every 
night,  and  spend  as  much  of  your  leisure 
out  of  doors  as  you  can. 

Then,  get  into  a  business  you  like. 

Devote  yourself  to  it. 

Be  honest  in  everything. 

Employ  caution ;  think  out  a  thing  well 
before  you  enter  upon  it. 

School  yourself  not  to  worry;  worry 
kills,  work  does  not. 

Avoid  liquors  of  all  kinds. 

If  you  must  smoke,  smo!:e  moderately. 

Shun  discussion  on  two  points — • 
religion  and  politics.  Neither  have  any 
argumentative  place  in  business. 


S6 


...'mitk'.. 


IV 


His  "Prospects"  and  Salary 


IV 

HIS    '"  PROSPECTS  "'    AND    SALARY 

The  average  young  man  is  extremely 
anxious  to  get  into  a  business  position  in 
which  there  are  what  he  calls  ''  pros- 
pects "  for  advancement.  It  is  usually 
one  of  his  first  questions  ''  What  are  my 
prospects  here  ?  "  He  seems  to  have  the 
notion  that  the  question  of  his  "  pros- 
pects "  or  advancement  is  one  entirely  in 
the  hands  of  his  employer,  whereas  it 
rarely  occurs  to  him  that  it  is  a  matter 
entirely  of  himself.  An  employer  has,  of 
course,  the  power  of  promotion,  but  that 
is  all.  He  cannot  advance  a  young  man 
unless  his  employee  first  demonstrates 
that  he  is  worthy  of  such  advancement. 
Every  position  offers  prospects:  every 
business  house  has  in  it  the  possibility  of 
a  young  man  bettering  himself.     But  it 

59 


Successward 

depends  upon  him,  first.     If  he  is  of  the 
average  come-day  go-day  sort,  and  does 
his    work    in   a   mechanical    or   careless 
fashion,   lacking  that   painstaking  thor- 
oughness which  is  the  basis  of  successful 
work,    his    prospects   are   naught.     And 
they  will  be  no  greater  with  one  concern 
than    with    another,    although    he    may 
identify  himself  with  a  score  during  a 
year.     If,   on   the   contrary,   he   buckles 
down  to  work,  and  makes  himself  felt 
from  the  moment  he  enters  his  position, 
no  matter  how  humble  that  may  be,  his 
advancement  will  take  care  of  itself.     An 
employer  is  very  quick  to  discover  merit 
in  an  employee,  and  if  a  young  man  is 
fitted  to  occupy  a  higher  position  in  his 
house  than  he  is  filling,  it  will  not  be  long 
before  he   is   promoted.     There  are,   of 
course,   instances   where  the   best   work 
that  a  young  man  can  do  goes  for  naught 
and   fails   of   rightful   appreciation,   and 
where  such  a  condition  is  discovered,  of 
course  the  young  man  must  change  the 
condition  and  go  where  his  services  will 
60 


His  "Prospects"  and  Salary- 
receive  proper  recognition  and  value.  But 
this  happens  only  in  a  very  small  minority 
of  cases.  In  the  vast  majority  of  cases 
where  the  cry  of  inappreciation  is  heard, 
it  is  generally  the  fact  that  the  crier  is 
unworthy  of  more  than  he  receives. 

No  employer  can,  in  short,  tell  a  young 
man  what  his  prospects  are.  That  is  for 
the  young  man  himself  to  demonstrate. 
He  must  show  first  what  is  in  him  and 
then  he  will  discover  for  himself  what  are 
his  prospects.  Because  so  many  young 
men  stand  still  is  not  that  employers  are 
unwilling  to  advance  them,  but  simply 
because  of  the  principal  fact  that  the 
great  run  of  young  men  do  not  show 
those  qualities  which  entitle  them  to 
advancement.  There  are  exceptional 
cases,  of  course,  but  as  a  rule  a  man  gets 
in  this  world  about  what  he  is  worth,  or 
not  very  far  from  it.  There  is  not  as 
much  injustice  done  by  the  employer  to 
the  employee  as  appears  on  the  surface 
by  any  means.  Leaving  aside  all  question 
of  principle,  it  would  be  mighty  poor 
6i 


Successward 

policy  for  a  business  man  to  keep  a 
young  man  in  a  minor  position  if  by  pro- 
moting him  he  felt  he  would  expand  and 
make  more  money  for  his  house. 

And  right  here  a  word  or  two  might 
perhaps  be  fitly  said  about  the  element  of 
"  luck  "  entering  into  business  advance- 
ment. It  is  undeniable  that  there  are 
thousands  of  young  men  who  believe  that 
success  in  business  is  nothing  else  but 
what  they  call  "  luck."  The  young  men 
who  forge  ahead  are,  in  their  estimation, 
simply  the  "  lucky  "  ones,  who  have  had 
influence  of  some  sort  or  other  to  push 
them  along. 

When  a  young  man  gets  into  that 
frame  of  mind  where  he  believes  that 
*'  luck  "  is  the  one  and  only  thing,  or  that 
it  is  even  an  element  in  business  which 
can  help  him  along,  it  may  be  safely  said 
that  he  is  doomed  to  failure.  The  only 
semblance  to  "  influence "  there  is  in 
business  is  where  through  a  friendly 
word  a  chance  is  opened  to  a  young  man. 
But  the  only  thing  that  "  influence  "  can 
62 


His  ** Prospects''  and  Salary 

do  begins  and  ends  with  a  chance :  an 
opportunity.  The  strongest  influence 
that  can  be  exerted  in  a  young  man's 
behalf  counts  for  very  Httle  if  he  is  found 
to  be  incapable  of  embracing  that  chance. 
And  so  far  as  "  luck  "  is  concerned,  there 
is  no  such  thing  in  a  young  man's  life  or 
his  business  success.  The  only  lucky 
young  man  is  he  who  has  a  sound  consti- 
tution, with  good  sense  to  preserve  it, 
who  knows  some  trade  or  profession 
thoroughly  or  is  willing  to  learn  it  and 
sacrifice  everything  to  its  learning,  who 
loves  his  work  and  has  industry  enough 
to  persevere  in  it,  who  appreciates  the 
necessity  of  self-restraint  in  all  things  and 
who  tempers  his  social  life  to  those  habits 
which  refresh  and  not  impair  his  constitu- 
tion. That  is  luck,  the  luck  of  having 
common  sense.  That  is  the  only  luck 
there  is, — the  only  luck  worth  having: 
and  it  is  a  luck  which  every  right-minded 
young  man  may  have  if  he  goes  about  it 
the  right  way. 

Things  in  this  world  never  just  happen. 

63 


Successward 

There  is  always  a  reason  for  everything. 
So  with  success.  It  is  not  the  result  of 
luck:  it  is  not  a  thing  of  chance.  It 
comes  to  men  only  because  they  work 
hard  and  intelligently  for  it,  and  along 
legitimate  lines. 

Now  a  word  about  a  young  man's 
salary.  It  is  human  nature  to  wish  to 
make  all  the  money  we  honestly  can:  to 
get  a  just  and  as  large  a  return  for  our 
services  as  possible.  There  is  no  qualify- 
ing that  statement,  and  as  most  of  the 
comforts  of  this  life  are  had  through  the 
possession  of  sufficient  money,  it  is 
perfectly  natural  that  the  question  of 
what  we  earn  should  be  prominent  in  our 
minds.  But  too  many  young  men  put  the 
cart  before  the  horse  in  this  question  of 
salary.  It  is  their  first  consideration. 
They  are  constantly  asking  what  salaries 
are  paid  in  different  business  callings,  and 
whether  this  profession  or  that  trade  is 
more  financially  productive.  The  ques- 
tion seems  to  enter  into  their  deliberations 
as  a  qualifying  factor  as  to  whether  they 

64 


His  "Prospects"  and  Salary- 
shall  enter  a  certain  trade  or  profession, 
I  never  could  quite  see  the  point  of  this 
nor  the  reason  for  it.  Of  what  signifi- 
cance are  the  salaries  which  are  paid  to 
others,  to  you  or  to  me?  They  signify 
nothing.  If  the  highest  salary  paid  to  the 
foremost  men  in  a  certain  profession  is 
$10,000  per  year,  what  does  it  prove  or 
signify?  There  is  no  obstacle  to  some 
one  else  going  into  that  same  profession 
and  earning  $25,000.  The  first  considera- 
tion when  a  young  man  thinks  of  going 
into  business  is  not  what  special  trade  or 
profession  is  most  profitable,  but  which 
particular  line  he  is  most  interested  in  and 
best  fitted  for.  What  matters  it  to  a  man 
that  fortunes  are  made  in  the  law  if  he  has 
absolutely  no  taste  or  ability  for  that  pro- 
fession? Of  what  value  is  it  to  a  young 
man  who  loves  mechanical  engineering  to 
know  that  there  are  doctors  who  earn 
large  incomes?  What  difference  do  the 
productive  possibilities  of  any  line  of 
work  make  to  us  if  we  are  not  by  nature 
fitted  for  it? 

65 


Successward 

When  a  young  man  is  always  thinking 
of  the  salary  he  is  receiving,  or  the  salary 
he  ought  to  get,  he  gives  pretty  good 
proof  that  he  is  not  of  a  very  superior 
make.  The  right  sort  of  a  young  fellow 
doesn't  everlastingly  concern  himself 
about  salary.  Ability  commands  income. 
But  a  young  man  must  start  with  ability : 
not  with  salary.    That  takes  care  of  itself. 


66 


V 

His  Social  Life  and  Amusements 


V 

HIS  SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS 

The  social  life  of  a  young  man  has  a 
direct  and  important  bearing  upon  his 
success,  and  he  cannot  be  too  careful  of 
what  forms  of  amusement  he  allows  to 
come  into  his  hours  of  leisure. 

From  a  business  standpoint  it  is  all- 
important  that  he  keep  a  careful  watch 
on  his  social  habits.  For  it  is  not  enough 
for  any  young  man  that  he  should  only 
take  care  of  himself  during  his  working- 
hours.  To  social  dissipations  at  night 
can  be  traced  the  downfall  of  hundreds 
of  young  men.  The  idea  that  an  em- 
ployer has  no  control  over  a  young  man's 
time  away  from  the  office  is  a  dangerous 
fallacy.  An  employer  has  every  right  to 
ask  that  those  into  whose  hands  he  in- 
trusts responsibilities  shall  allow  social 
69 


Successward 

habits  which  will  not  endanger  his  inter- 
ests upon  the  morrow. 

As  a  rule,  young  men  generally  run  to 
extremes  in  their  social  living.  Either 
they  do  not  go  out  at  all,  which  is  stag- 
nating, or  they  go  out  too  much,  which  is 
deadly.  Only  here  and  there  is  found  one 
who  knows  the  happy  medium ;  a  certain 
amount  of  social  diversion  is  essential 
to  everybody — boy,  man,  girl,  or  woman ; 
and  particularly  so  to  a  young  man  with 
a  career  to  make.  To  come  into  contact 
with  the  social  side  of  people  is  broaden- 
ing; it  is  educative.  ''  To  know  people," 
says  a  writer,  ''  you  must  see  them  at 
play."  Social  life  can  be  made  a  study 
at  the  same  time  that  it  is  made  a  pleas- 
ure. To  know  people,  to  learn  their  softer 
sides,  you  must  come  into  contact  with 
their  social  natures.  No  young  man  can 
afford  to  deny  himself  certain  pleasures, 
or  a  reasonable  amount  of  contact  with 
people  in  the  outer  world.  It  is  to  his 
advantage  that  people  should  know  he 
exists ;  it  is  important  to  the  wise  shaping 
70 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

of  his  aims  and  aspirations.  It  is  well 
for  him  to  keep  himself  honorably  in  the 
eyes  of  people.  But  his  evening  diver- 
sions should  be  as  vv^idely  different  from 
his  occupations  during  the  day  as  possi- 
ble. The  mind  needs  a  change  of  thought 
just  as  much  as  does  the  body  a  change  of 
raiment. 

At  the  same  time,  nothing  is  more  in- 
jurious to  the  chances  of  a  young  man  in 
business  than  an  over-indulgence  in  the 
pleasures  of  what,  for  the  want  of  a  bet- 
ter word,  we  call  "  society."  It  is  a 
rough  but  a  true  saying  that  "  a  man  can- 
not drink  whisky  and  be  in  business.'' 
Perhaps  a  softer  and  more  refined  trans- 
lation of  this  is  that  a  man  cannot  be  in 
society  and  be  in  business.  This  is  im- 
possible, and  nothing  that  a  young  man 
can  bear  in  mind  will  stand  him  to  such 
good  account  as  this  fact.  No  mind  can 
be  fresh  in  the  morning  that  has  been 
kept  at  a  tension  the  night  before  by  late 
hours,  or  been  befogged  by  indulgence  in 
late  suppers.     We  need  more  sleep  at 

71 


Successward 

twenty  or  twenty-five  than  we  do  at  fifty ; 
and  the  young  man  who  grants  himself 
less  than  eight  hours'  sleep  every  night 
just  robs  himself  of  so  much  vitality.  The 
most  successful  men  have  repeatedly  ac- 
knowledged that  to  a  regularity  of  hours 
of  retiring  they  can  trace  a  large  part  of 
their  ability  to  compass  the  questions 
which  enter  into  a  successful  career. 

One  rule  should  be  positive  with  every 
young  man :  the  midnight  hours  should 
be  passed  in  sleep ;  and  by  these  hours  I 
mean  eleven  and  twelve  o'clock.  If  a 
young  man  makes  it  a  rule  to  be  asleep 
by  eleven  and  up  by  seven,  he  chooses  the 
course  which  hundreds  of  the  most  suc- 
cessful men  of  the  day  have  chosen.  The 
loss  of  vitality  brought  by  less  than  eight 
hours'  sleep  may  not  be  felt  or  noticed 
at  present,  but  the  process  of  sleeping  is 
only  nature's  banking  system  of  principal 
and  interest.  A  mind  capable  of  the  ful- 
filment of  its  highest  duties  should  be  re- 
ceptive to  ideas,  quick  to  comprehend, 
instantaneous  in  its  conception  of  a  point. 
72 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

With  a  fresh  mind  and  a  clear  brain  a 
young  man  has  two  of  the  greatest  levers 
of  success.  These  cannot  be  retained  un- 
der social  indulgences.  The  dissipation 
of  a  night  has  its  invariable  influence 
upon  the  work  of  the  morrow.  I  do  not 
preach  total  abstinence  of  any  habits  to 
which  human  nature  is  prone.  Every 
man  ought  to  know  what  is  good  for  him 
and  what  is  injurious  to  his  best  interests. 
But  an  excess  of  anything  is  injurious, 
and  a  young  man  on  the  threshold  of  a 
business  career  cannot  afford  to  be  ex- 
cessive in  a  single  direction.  He  should 
husband  his  resources.  He  will  need 
them  all. 

For  no  success  is  easily  made  in  these 
days.  Appearances  are  tremendously  de- 
ceptive in  this  respect.  We  see  men  mak- 
ing what  we  choose  to  regard  and  what 
are  known  as  quick  successes,  because 
at  a  comparatively  early  age  they  acquire 
position  or  means.  But  one  needs  only 
to  study  the  conditions  of  the  business 
life  of  to-day  to  see  how  impossible  it  is 

73 


Successward 

to  achieve  any  success  except  by  the  se- 
verest patience  and  by  the  very  hardest 
work.  No  young  man  need  approach  a 
business  career  with  the  idea  that  its 
achievement  is  easy.  The  histories  of 
successful  men  tell  us  all  too  clearly  the 
lessons  of  the  patience  and  efforts  of 
years.  Some  men  compass  a  successful 
career  in  less  time  than  others.  And  if 
the  methods  employed  are  necessarily  dif- 
ferent, the  requirements  are  precisely  the 
same.  It  is  a  story  of  hard  work  in  every 
case,  of  close  application,  and  of  a  pa- 
tient mastery  of  the  problem  in  hand. 
Advantages  of  education  will  come  in  at 
times  and  push  one  man  ahead  of  an- 
other. But  a  practical  business  knowl- 
edge is  apt  to  be  a  greater  possession. 

"  But,"  says  some  young  fellow,  "  what 
are  the  social  pleasures  and  indulgences 
which  injuriously  affect  a  young  man's 
success  ?  "  Only  one  general  answer  can 
be  given,  and  it  is  this :  any  social  pleas- 
ure or  indulgence  which  affects  a  young 
man's  health  affects  his  success.     Good 

74 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

health  is  the  foundation  of  all  possible 
success  in  life ;  affect  the  one  and  you 
affect  the  other. 

I  presume  it  is  safe  to  say  that  no  sin- 
gle element  in  social  life  has  injured  so 
many  young  men  as  an  indulgence  in  in- 
toxicating liquors,  and  I  shall  treat  of 
this  first.  And  when  I  speak  of  the 
question  of  an  indulgence  in  intoxicating 
liquors,  I  take  it  entirely  away  from  any 
religious  or  moral  standpoint.  To  me  it 
is  not  a  question  of  whether  it  is  right  or 
wrong  for  a  young  man  to  indulge  in 
spirituous  liquors.  It  is  rather  can  he  do 
it  than  should  he  do  it.  Is  it  wise  rather 
than  is  it  zvrong?  I  say  to  him,  plainly 
and  directly ;  he  cannot  do  it.  And  I  say 
this  to  every  young  fellow  honestly  from 
my  own  observation  and  experience  as  a 
mere  boy  who,  when  he  started  out,  did 
not  know  exactly  what  position  to  take  in 
this  matter. 

Some  years'  ago  there  was  in  Brooklyn 
a  boy  about  sixteen  years  old  who  began 
attending  public  dinners  as  a  reporter. 

75 


Successward 

Wines  were  then  more  freely  used  at  din- 
ners than  now.  The  first  pubHc  dinner 
he  was  sent  to  report  was  a  New  England 
Society  banquet.  He  was  extremely  anx- 
ious to  succeed,  because  it  would  mean 
other  assignments.  He  had  been  brought 
up  in  his  father's  home  with  wine  on  the 
table,  because  in  his  native  country,  Hol- 
land, light  wine  is  the  common  beverage 
and  not  an  intoxicant.  The  decision 
which  the  young  reporter  had  to  make  in 
Brooklyn  that  night  was,  therefore,  not 
approached  with  prejudice.  His  com- 
mon sense  simply  argued  it  out  for  him 
that  if  he  drank  liquors  his  mind  might 
not  be  so  clear  to  report  the  speeches  he 
was  sent  there  to  take.  And  so  he 
shielded  his  wine  glasses, — a  practice 
which  he  has  followed  ever  since. 

Now,  that  young  reporter  simply  ar- 
gued to  himself  what  was  the  wisest 
thing  for  him  to  do,  and  he  did  it.  And 
that  is  the  way  I  want  every  young  man 
to  decide  this  question.  Never  mind  go- 
ing into  the  question   of  whether  it  is 

76 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

right  or  wrong.  That  might  lead  to 
controversy  or  doubt.  Simply  take  the 
hard  common-sense  view  of  it.  The 
temporary  exhilaration  which  is  sup- 
posed to  come  from  alcohol  either  in  dif- 
fused or  concentrated  form  is  unneces- 
sary to  a  young  man  in  good  health. 
Therefore,  it  can  do  him  absolutely  no 
good.  He  does  not  need  it,  and  not  an 
ounce  of  better  health  will  come  to  him 
by  reason  of  it.  But  it  may  do  him  harm. 
The  chances  are  that  it  will.  And  no 
young  man  can  afiford  to  take  a  single 
risk  or  chance  in  the  morning  of  a  busi- 
ness career.  He  needs  the  unhampered 
use  of  all  his  powers ;  all  his  health,  all 
his  intellect,  and  all  his  manners. 

I  do  not  ask  him  to  accept  this  on  any 
ground  but  that  of  expediency.  He  will 
see  for  himself  that  for  every  young  man 
in  business  who  docs  drink,  no  matter 
how  moderately,  there  is  some  young  man 
of  the  abstaining  kind  waiting  around  the 
corner  for  his  place  and  who  will  do  his 
•work  all  the  better  because  he  does  ab- 

77 


Successward 

stain.  And  employers  prefer  the  abstain- 
ing sort.  The  presidents  of  the  two  larg- 
est railroads  in  this  country  have  each 
told  me  personally  within  the  past  year 
that  they  will  no  longer  employ  any  man 
for  any  position  on  their  roads  who 
drinks  even  moderately.  And  this  is 
growing  to  be  a  common  custom  in  all 
branches  of  business.  Alcohol  is  becom- 
ing more  and  more  each  day  to  be  re- 
garded in  the  business  world  as  a  posi- 
tive detriment  to  a  man's  greatest  useful- 
ness. 

Coming  back  to  the  young  reporter  at 
that  Brooklyn  dinner,  one  of  the  speeches 
he  was  to  report  at  the  banquet  was  that 
of  the  President  of  the  United  States, 
and,  not  being  very  expert  in  his  sten- 
ography he  failed  to  get  a  large  part  of 
the  speech.  So,  after  the  dinner  was 
over,  he  sought  the  President,  explained 
his  plight,  and  asked  the  Chief  Magis- 
trate if  he  could  give  him  a  printed  copy 
of  the  speech.  The  reporter  found  the 
eyes    of    the    President    curiously    fixed 

73 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

upon  him,  and  heard  him  say :  "  My  boy, 
can  you  wait  a  few  minutes  ?  I  want  to 
speak  to  you."  Of  course,  it  was  very 
easy  for  the  boy  to  wait  for  the  President 
of  the  United  States  and  he  did  so.  After 
fifteen  minutes  the  President  beckoned 
the  boy  reporter  to  him  and  said, 
abruptly : 

''  Tell  me,  why  did  you  refuse  wine  at 
the  dinner  this  evening?  " 

Naturally  the  reporter  was  surprised. 
But  he  explained  the  resolution  he  had 
made  for  the  first  time  that  evening; 
whereupon  the  President,  reaching  for 
one  of  the  plate  cards  on  the  table,  said : 

*'  I  wish  you  would  write  your  name 
and  address  on  this  card,  please."  To 
make  a  long  story  short,  that  young  re- 
porter's paper  the  next  day  had  the  only 
verbatim  report  of  the  President's 
speech,  whereas  he  himself  received  this 
note : 

My  dear  young  friend: 

I  have  been  telling  Mrs.  Hayes  this 
morning  of  what  you  told  me  at  the  din- 

79 


Successward 

ner  last  evening  and  she  was  very  much: 
interested.  She  would  like  to  see  you, 
and  asks  if  you  will  call  at  where  we  are 
stopping  in  Brooklyn  this  evening  at 
8 :30.         Very  faithfully  yours, 

Rutherford  B.  Hayes. 

It  was  a  valuable  friendship  which  that 
young  reporter  made  that  evening. 
Other  friendships  were  constantly  made 
possible  to  him  through  it.  And  it  is  easy 
for  that  young  reporter  now  to  look  back 
and  trace  his  starting  point  of  acquaint- 
ance and  opportunities  to  that  unexpected 
friendship  with  the  President  of  the 
United  States  and  continued  by  a  con- 
stant interchange  of  letters  and  advice 
until  only  a  few  days  before  his  passing 
away. 

I  have  told  this  story  chiefly  to  im- 
press upon  young  men  the  fallacy  of  the 
idea  that  a  strict  adherence  to  a  princi- 
ple, whether  it  relates  to  spirituous 
liquors  or  anything  else,  makes  a  young 
man  appear  rather  ''  babyish,"  that  he  is 
tied  to  his  mother's  apron-strings  as  it  is 
sometimes  called,  and  in  consequence  is 
80 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

sometimes  a  barrier  to  his  social  popu- 
larity. 

In  all  the  nineteen  years  in  which  that 
Brooklyn  reporter  has  since  refused  to 
drink  liquor  at  dinners,  public  or  private, 
he  has  never  found  that  he  lost  a  single 
friend  by  his  refusal.  A  young  man 
who  starts  out  in  life  with  a  fixed  princi- 
ple, whether  it  be  that  he  will  not  drink, 
nor  smoke,  nor  indulge  in  anything 
which  in  his  heart  he  feels  is  not  good 
for  him,  or  in  which  he  does  not  con- 
scientiously believe,  and  adheres  to  that 
principle  at  all  times,  holds  in  his  hand 
one  of  the  most  powerful  elements  of 
success  in  the  world  to-day.  There  is 
a  great  deal  of  common  sense  abroad  in 
this  world  of  ours,  and  a  young  man  with 
a  good  principle  is  always  safe  to  depend 
upon  it.  The  men  and  women  whose 
friendships  are  worth  having  are  the  men 
and  women  who  have  principles  them- 
selves, and  respect  them  in  others,  espe- 
cially when  they  find  them  in  a  young 
man. 

8i 


Successward 

Another  thing  which  led  me  to  be 
abstemious  was  the  damage  which  I 
saw  wrought  by  an  indulgence  in  liquor 
upon  some  of  the  finest  minds  with  which 
it  was  ever  my  privilege  to  come  in  con- 
tact; and  I  concluded  that  what  had  re- 
sulted injuriously  to  others  might  prove 
so  to  me.  I  have  seen,  even  in  my  few 
years  of  professional  life,  some  of  the 
smartest — yea,  brilliant — literary  men  de- 
throned from  splendid  positions  owing 
to  nothing  else  but  their  indulgence  in 
wines.  I  have  known  men  with  salaries 
of  thousands  of  dollars  per  year,  occupy- 
ing positions  which  hundreds  would 
strive  a  lifetime  to  attain,  come  to  beg- 
gary from  drink.  Only  recently  there 
applied  to  me,  for  any  position  I  could 
offer  him,  one  of  the  most  brilliant  edi- 
torial writers  in  the  newspaper  profes- 
sion— a  man  who,  five  years  ago,  easily 
commanded  one  hundred  dollars  for  a 
single  article  in  his  special  field.  That 
man  became  so  unreliable  from  drink  that 
editors  are  now  afraid  of  his  articles ;  and 
82 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

although  he  can  to-day  write  as  forcible 
editorials  as  at  any  time  during  his  life, 
he  sits  in  a  cellar  in  one  of  our  cities 
writing  newspaper  wrappers  for  one  dol- 
lar per  thousand.  And  that  is  only  one 
instance  of  several  I  could  recite  here.  I 
do  not  hold  my  friend  up  as  a  *'  terrible 
example ;  "  he  is  but  a  type  who  con- 
vinced me  that  a  clear  mind  and  liquor 
do  not  go  together. 

I  know  it  is  said,  when  one  brings  up 
such  an  instance  as  this,  ''  Oh  well,  that 
man  drank  to  excess.  One  glass  will 
hurt  no  one."  How  do  these  people  know 
that  it  will  not?  One  drop  of  kerosene 
has  been  known  to  throw  into  flame  an 
almost  hopeless  fire,  and  one  glass  of 
liquor  may  fan  into  flame  a  smouldering 
spark  hidden  away  where  it  was  never 
thought  to  exist.  The  spark  may  be  there 
and  it  may  not.  Why  take  the  risk? 
Liquor  to  a  healthy  young  man  will  never 
do  him  the  least  particle  of  good ;  it  may 
do  him  harm.  The  man  for  whom  I  have 
absolutely  no  use  is  the  man  who  is  con- 

83 


Successward 

tinually  asking  a  young  man  to  "  just 
have  a  little;  one  glass,  you  know."  A 
man  who  will  wittingly  urge  a  young 
man  whom  he  knows  has  a  principle 
against  liquor  is  a  man  for  whom  a  halter 
is  too  good. 

Then,  as  I  looked  around  and  came  to 
know  more  of  people  and  things,  I  found 
the  always  unanswerable  argument  in  fa- 
vor of  a  young  man's  abstinence,  i.  e., 
that  the  most  successful  men  in  America 
to-day  are  those  who  seldom,  if  ever,  lift 
a  wine-glass  to  their  lips.  Becoming  in- 
terested in  this  fact,  I  had  the  curiosity 
to  personally  inquire  into  it,  and  of  twen- 
ty-eight of  the  leading  business  men  in 
the  country  whose  names  I  selected  at 
random,  twenty-two  were  abstainers.  I 
made  up  my  mind  that  there  was  some 
reason  for  this.  If  liquor  brought  safe 
pleasures,  why  did  these  men  abstain 
from  it?  If,  as  some  say,  it  is  a  stimu- 
lant to  a  busy  man,  why  did  not  these 
men,  directing  the  largest  business  inter- 


84 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

€sts  in  this  country,  resort  to  it?  And 
when  I  saw  that  these  were  the  men 
whose  opinions  in  great  business  matters 
were  accepted  by  the  leading  concerns  of 
the  world,  I  concluded  that  their  judg- 
ment in  the  use  of  liquor  would  satisfy 
me.  If  their  judgment  in  business  mat- 
ters could  command  the  respect  and  at- 
tention of  the  leaders  of  trade  on  both 
sides  of  the  sea,  their  decision  as  to  the 
use  of  liquor  was  not  apt  to  be  wrong. 
At  least,  it  was  good  enough  for  me. 

As  opportunities  have  come  to  me  to 
go  into  homes  and  public  places,  I  find 
that  I  do  not  occupy  a  solitary  position. 
The  tendency  to  abstain  from  liquor  is 
growing  more  and  more  among  young 
men  of  to-day.  The  brightest  young  men, 
who  are  filling  positions  of  power  and 
promise,  never  touch  a  drop  of  beer, 
wines,  or  intoxicants  of  any  sort.  And 
the  young  man  who  to-day  makes  up  his 
mind  that  he  will  be  on  the  safe  side  and 
adhere  to  strict  abstinence  will  find  that 


85 


Successward 

he  is  not  alone.  He  has  now  the  very  best 
element  in  business  and  social  life  in  the 
largest  cities  of  our  land  with  him. 

He  will  not  be  chided  for  his  principle, 
but  through  it  will  command  respect. 

It  will  not  retard  him  in  commercial 
success  but  prove  his  surest  help. 

It  will  win  him  no  enemies,  but  bring 
him  the  friendship  of  upright  men  and 
good  women.. 

It  will  insure  him  the  highest  commer- 
cial esteem  and  the  brightest  social  posi- 
tion. 

And  as  it  molds  his  character  in  youth, 
so  will  it  develop  him  into  a  successful 
man  and  a  good  citizen. 

I  know  young  men  are  sometimes  in- 
clined to  believe  that  abstinence  from 
wines  is  apt  to  prove  a  barrier  to  their 
social  success.  *'  It  looks  unsociable,"  it 
is  claimed.  But  all  the  same,  the  highest 
social  respect  is  assured  a  young  man 
just  in  proportion  as  he  abstains  from 
wines.  An  indulgence  in  intoxicants 
of  any  sort  has  never  helped  a  man  to 
86 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

any  social  position  worth  the  having ;  on 
the  contrary,  it  has'  kept  many  from  at- 
taining a  position  to  which  by  birth  and 
good  breeding  and  all  other  qualifications 
they  were  entitled.  No  young  man  will 
ever  find  that  the  principle  of  abstinence 
from  liquor  is  a  barrier  to  any  success, 
social,  commercial,  or  otherwise.  On  the 
other  hand,  it  is  the  one  principle  in  his 
life  which  will,  in  the  long  run,  help  him 
more  than  any  other.  And  touching  the 
point  of  etiquette  on  this  question, 
whether  it  is  in  better  form  in  drinking 
wines  at  dinner  to  turn  down  one's 
glasses  or  have  them  removed,  I  would 
say,  neither.  Simply  shield  the  glasses 
with  the  hand  as  the  waiter  reaches  your 
place  at  the  table  with  each  course  of 
wine.  Turning  down  one's  wine-glasses 
or  causing  them  to  be  removed  from  the 
table  always  seems  to  me  to  be  an  un- 
necessary and  rather  a  disagreeable  way 
of  pronouncing  one's  principles. 

So  far  as  the  habit  of  smoking  is  con- 
cerned— whether  it  takes  the  form  of  a 

87 


Successward 

cigarette,  cigar,  or  pipe — I  do  not  be- 
lieve in  the  idea  which  tells  a  young  man 
that  he  must  not  smoke.  I  say,  rather, 
he  will  be  wisest  if  he  does  not  smoke. 
His  health  will  be  the  better  for  it  and 
his  pocket-book  the  fuller.  If  the  physi- 
cal or  mental  injury  to  be  derived  from 
smoking  is  an  open  question,  the  good 
it  does  is  not.  Smoking  does  absolutely 
no  good  to  any  one;  it  is  simply  a  ques- 
tion of  the  extent  of  harm  that  it  does. 
But  if  a  young  fellow  is  inclined  to 
smoke,  if  he  has  a  taste  for  it  that  he 
feels  he  must  indulge,  then  let  him  smoke 
moderately.  The  greatest  danger  in 
smoking  is  in  the  imperceptible  growth 
of  the  habit ;  and  this  is  particularly  true 
of  cigarette-smoking.  Unless  a  young 
man  has  himself  well  in  hand,  he  will 
find  that  cigarette-smoking  has  a  nasty 
way  of  growing  upon  one.  He  may  at 
first  smoke  only  two  or  three  cigarettes 
per  day.  After  a  while  he  adds  a  fourth. 
In  a  year  it  will  be  five  per  day ;  and  so  it 
goes  on  multiplying,  but  never  diminish- 
88 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

ing,  until  the  habit  gets  a  hold  which 
many  find  it  impossible  to  shake  off.  Then 
follow  irritability,  nervousness,  loss  of 
memory  and  of  appetite,  and  all  kindred 
complaints,  which  are  killing  to  a  young 
fellow's  health,  and  necessarily  to  his  hap- 
piness and  success.  This,  to  my  mind, 
is  the  danger  which  lurks  in  tobacco ;  the 
actual  harm  is  not  in  its  use,  but  in  its 
abuse.  And  use  easily  leads  to  abuse  in 
the  vast  majority  of  cases.  An  excuse 
is  always  at  hand  to  make  an  extra  cigar- 
ette or  cigar  permissible  on  a  special  oc- 
casion. But  after  a  bit  special  occasions 
multiply.  I  believe  that  if  young  men 
would  not  smoke  until  they  attained  their 
thirtieth  year,  it  would  be  the  wisest  so- 
lution of  this  whole  question.  One  thing 
is  certain :  the  young  man  who  does  not 
smoke  is  far  better  off  than  he  who  does ; 
and  those  addicted  to  tobacco  will,  I 
think,  agree  with  this  statement. 

It  is  only  natural  that  no  young  man 
desires  to  remain  at  home  every  evening 
of  the  week ;  and  the  question  naturally 
89 


Successward 

arises,  What  are  the  best  amusements  for 
a  young  fellow  ?  And  on  this  point  opin- 
ions must  necessarily  differ. 

For  example,  there  is  the  question  of 
attendance  at  the  theater.  There  are  peo- 
ple— and  delightful,  good,  and  conscien- 
tious people  they  are,  too — who  sincerely 
disapprove  of  the  theater.  To  their  minds 
the  playhouse  is  simply  a  trick  of  the 
devil  to  lure  young  men  to  destruction. 

To  condemn  the  theater  as  an  institu- 
tion, however,  and  say  to  young  men  in- 
discriminately that  they  must  keep  away 
from  it,  is,  to  my  mind,  wrong.  Because 
there  are  bad  plays  it  does  not  necessarily 
follow  that  there  are  no  good  plays. 
There  are — not  in  plenty,  but  neverthe- 
less they  exist.  I  believe  in  the  theater 
in  moderation,  so  long  as  good  actors  and 
good  plays  are  selected.  Then  I  hold 
that  the  theater  is  a  source  of  education 
to  a  young  man.  It  will  bring  before 
him  the  lessons  of  life  in  a  more  effective 
way  than  is  possible  by  any  method  of 
reading  or  studying.  But  no  general  rule 
90 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

can  be  followed  in  this  form,  or,  for  that 
matter,  in  any  other  form  of  amusement. 
To  some  young  men  the  theater  is  an  ab- 
solute harm,  and  has  an  injurious  effect. 
If  he  be  of  susceptible  mind  and  of  weak 
character,  he  will  be  influenced  by  the 
life  he  sees  on  the  stage,  believe  it  to  be 
real,  and,  ofttimes  as  not,  he  will  fashion 
his  own  life  and  desires  by  it.  This  is 
where  the  theater  does  positive  injury, 
and  such  a  young  man  should  never  at- 
tend it.  If,  however,  he  is  strong  of 
character,  and  goes  to  the  theater  in  the 
right  spirit,  it  is  good  for  him.  A  good 
play  is  a  wonderful  stimulant,  a  power- 
ful rejuvenant  of  spirits.  It  pleases  the 
senses  as  nothing  else  can  do ;  it  takes 
the  mind  away  from  every-day  affairs  in 
a  way  that  no  factor  in  life,  save,  per- 
haps, a  good  book,  does.  And  a  good 
play  is  as  beneficial  as  a  good  book.  It 
is  unfortunate  that  we  have  so  few  really 
good  plays  on  the  boards  of  our  theaters ; 
but  they  are  there,  nevertheless.  And 
with  care  in  our  selection,  it  does  us  all 

91 


Successward 

good  to  go  to  the  theater  and  enjoy  a 
hearty  laugh,  or  to  see  the  mirror  held 
up  to  nature. 

Young  men  are  often  puzzled,  too,  as 
to  the  right  position  to  assume  as  regards 
dancing.  So  far  as  this  form  of  amuse- 
ment is  concerned,  I  have  always  liked 
to  believe  that  dancing,  like  going  to  the 
theater,  is  good  when  enjoyed  in  modera- 
tion. Its  unhealthy  possibilities  in  a  moral 
sense  no  young  fellow  of  the  right  sort 
ever  thinks  of  or  considers.  It  is  only 
when  they  are  discussed — as,  unfortu- 
nately, they  are  all  too  often  in  print — 
that  they  suggest  themselves.  Dancing, 
to  my  mind,  when  it  is  not  indulged  in 
promiscuously,  but  with  friends  and  ac- 
quaintances of  the  opposite  sex,  is  one  of 
the  highest  forms  of  enjoyment,  and  one 
that  gives  to  a  young  fellow  that  which  we 
all  should  possess,  grace  and  the  ability  to 
carry  ourselves  well.  But,  like  all  good 
things,  dancing  can  be  abused,  and  then 
the  injurious  effects  come  in.  If  a  young 
fellow  goes  to  a  dance,  and  dances  all 
92 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

evening  without  any  regard  to  his  physi- 
cal abilities,  he  exhausts  himself  and  is 
unfit  for  his  regular  duties  on  the  mor- 
row. When  the  practice  is  followed  in 
this  wise,  and  a  late  supper — which  gen- 
erally means  cold  or  iced  foods  on  a 
heated  stomach — is  indulged  in,  then  one 
of  the  most  graceful  and  enjoyable  of 
pleasures  is  taken  out  of  its  proper  place 
and  becomes  an  injury. 

There  is  one  thing,  however,  which  a 
young  man  carving  his  own  career  in  the 
world  soon  finds  out  for  himself,  and  it  is 
that  dances,  as  a  rule,  are  very  exhaust- 
ing pleasures  and  generally  mean  late 
hours.  And  after  a  while  he  feels  that 
they  interfere  w4th  his  business  duties  on 
the  following  day.  Then  it  is  that  he 
must  make  a  choice,  and,  of  course,  danc- 
ing must  suffer  and  ''  go  by  the  board," 
so  to  speak.  As  I  have  said  a  few  para- 
graphs back,  any.  social  pleasure  which 
interferes  with  a  young  fellow's  best 
business  interests  is  bad.  What  one 
young  man  can  stand  another  cannot,  and 

93 


Successward 

hence  every  one  must  decide  for  himself. 
He  need  only  keep  his  health  in  mind.  If 
he  finds  that  any  pleasure — whether  it  be 
attendance  at  the  theater,  dancing,  or 
what  not — makes  him  wish  next  day  that 
he  had  not  indulged  in  it,  it  should  be 
perfectly  clear  to  him  that  that  particu- 
lar social  pleasure  is  not  for  him,  and  he 
should  give  it  up.    • 

Card-playing  has  never  had  any  special 
attraction  for  me,  and  so  I  can  say  very 
little  for  it.  A  good  game  of  whist,  eu- 
chre, cribbage,  or  hearts  is  enjoyable; 
but  I  have  always  felt  that  playing  at 
whist,  particularly  with  experts,  is  more 
or  less  of  a  mental  strain,  and  should  not 
be  indulged  in  by  those  who  are  required 
to  use  their  mental  faculties  during  the 
day.  To  some,  however,  it  is  a  relaxa- 
tion, a  recreation,  and  to  these  it  is  good. 
Gambling  at  cards,  or  gambling  or  bet- 
ting of  any  sort  whatever,  is  a  practice 
in  which  no  self-respecting  young  fellow 
can  indulge.  It  is  generally  the  first  step 
downward;  and  whether  it  tends  in  that 

94 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

way  or  not,  it  always,  without  exception, 
has  its  evil  effects.  Therefore  it  is  wisest 
to  shun  it,  and  shun  it  absolutely. 

The  growth  of  outdoor  sports  in  this 
country  has  made  thousands  of  young 
men  interested  in  wheeling,  tennis,  base- 
ball, foot-ball,  golf  and  kindred  sports ; 
and  no  national  sign  is  more  encourag- 
ing. The  deeper  the  interest  which  every 
young  man  evinces  in  manly  sports  the 
better  it  is  not  only  for  him  in  every  pos- 
sible way,  but  for  the  generation  succeed- 
ing him.  It  betokens  a  clean,  healthy 
mind  when  a  young  fellow  takes  an  hon- 
est, sincere  interest  in  outdoor  sports. 
But  the  great  danger  is  in  overdoing  this. 
Sports  are  splendid  in  their  place  and  at 
their  time,  but  too  many  of  our  young 
men  allow  them  to  interfere  with  their 
business  interests.  A  young  man  in  busi- 
ness cannot  allow  his  interest  in  base-ball, 
or  any  other  sport,  to  become  so  absorb- 
ing as  to  take  first  place  in  his  mind. 
There  is  no  earthly  reason  why  an  in- 
terest in  foot-ball,  base-ball,  golf  or  any 

95 


Successward 

other  sport,  confined  within  proper 
bounds  and  at  the  proper  time,  should 
not  be  good.  But  when  a  young  fellow 
finds  that  he  knows  the  standing  of  the 
base-ball  clubs  in  the  various  leagues,  or 
the  names  of  the  players,  or  their  batting 
averages,  better  than  he  knows  the  names 
of  the  customers  of  his  employer,  or  the 
prices  of  the  goods  he  is  paid  to  sell,  or 
the  discounts  of  his  house,  then  I  say  his 
interest  is  directed  against  his  own  good. 
What  are  called  "  base-ball  cranks  "  or 
*'  bicycle  fiends  "  or  ''  foot-ball  enthusi- 
asts "  are  never  good  business  men,  and 
their  standing  in  the  community  is  on  a 
par  with  their  overwrought  interest. 

A  young  man's  social  life  and  his  in- 
dulgences must,  in  other  words,  be  tem- 
pered with  reason  and  common  sense.  He 
should  have  a  social  side  to  his  nature, 
but  that  side  must  not  dominate  him.  If 
it  does,  it  affects  his  business  interests; 
and  a  young  man  whose  thoughts  during 
business  hours  are  fixed  upon  a  pleasure 
of  the  evening  before,  or  upon  a  sport  of 

96 


Social  Life  and  Amusements 

the  morrow,  soon  finds  himself  outdis- 
tanced in  the  race  for  success  by  others 
who  keep  such  things  in  their  proper 
places.  A  little  common  sense  here  counts 
for  much.  It  counts  for  everything,  in 
fact. 


97 


A  FEW  PREFATORY  WORDS 

The  average  young  man  is  apt  to  think 
that  success  is  not  for  him.  To  his  mind 
it  is  a  gift  to  the  few,  not  to  the  many. 
"  The  rich,  the  fortunate — they  are  the 
only  people  who  can  be  successful,"  is 
the  way  he  generally  interprets  it.  And 
it  is  this  wrong  conception  of  success 
which  this  book  aims  to  remove.  It  has 
no  other  purpose  save  to  show  that  suc- 
cess— and  the  truest  and  best  success — is 
possible  to  any  young  man  of  honorable 
motives.  The  subject  is  not  new.  All 
that  is  hoped  for  from  this  book  is  that 
it  may  have  for  young  men  a  certain 
sense  of  nearness  to  their  own  lives  and 
thoughts,  from  the  fact  that  it  is  not 
written  by  a  patriarch  whose  young 
manhood  is  far  behind  him,  but  by  a 
young  man  to  whom  the  noise  of  the 
vii 


A  Few  Prefatory  Words 

battle  is  an  every-day  living  reality.  He 
thinks  he  knows  what  a  fight  for  success 
means  to  a  young  fellow,  and  he  writes 
with  the  smoke  of  the  battle  around  him 
and  from  the  very  thick  of  the  fight. 

E.  B. 
Philadelphia. 


vui 


VI 
Sowing  His  Wild  Oats 


VI 

SOWING  HIS  WILD  OATS 

It  is  a  common  saying,  and  a  belief 
equally  as  general,  that  it  is  not  only  es- 
sential, but  it  is  assumed  as  right,  that  a 
young  man  should,  at  some  time  in  his 
life,  ''  sow  his  wild  oats."  This  sowing 
of  one's  wild  oats  means,  in  plainer 
words,  that  a  young  man  should  have  his 
^'  fling,"  as  it  is  called ;  that  is,  he  must 
**  see  the  world." 

And  from  the  way  some  people  talk 
about  this  matter  one  would  imagine  that 
every  man  had  instilled  into  him  at  his 
birth  a  certain  amount  of  deviltry,  which 
he  must  get  rid  of  before  he  can  become 
a  man  of  honor.  For  what  is  called  "  sow- 
ing wild  oats  "  is  nothing  more  or  less 
than  self-degradation  to  any  young  man. 
It  does  not  make  a  man  one  particle  more 

lOI 


Successward 

of  a  man  because  he  has  passed  through 
a  siege  of  riotous  Uving  and  indiscretion 
when  he  was  twenty,  or  twenty-five  or 
thirty;  it  makes  him  just  as  much  less  of 
a  man.  It  dwarfs  his  views  of  Hfe  far 
more  than  it  broadens  them.  And  he 
realizes  this  afterward.  He  does  not  know 
one  iota  more  of  ''  life/'  except  a  cer- 
tain phase  of  it,  which,  if  it  has  glitter 
for  him  in  youth,  becomes  a  repellent  re- 
membrance to  him  when  he  is  matured. 
The  reputation  and  power  that  comes  of 
right  living  and  good  character  are  what 
the  man  from  forty  to  seventy  covets, 
and  nothing  but  the  well-spent  years  of 
early  life  can  secure  these.  There  is  no 
such  thing  as  an  investigation  period  in  a 
man's  moral  living;  at  one  period  it  is  as 
important  for  him  to  be  clean-minded, 
and  honorable  as  at  another. 

To  my  mind  no  young  man  need  seek 
this  ''  darker  side  of  life  "  which  the  sow- 
ing of  wild  oats  means.  The  good  Lord 
knows  that  it  forces  itself  upon  our  at- 
tention soon  enough.    It  does  not  wait  to 

I02 


Sowing  His  Wild  Oats 

be  sought.  A  young  man  need  not  be 
afraid  that  he  will  fail  to  see  it.  He  will 
see  plenty  of  it,  and  without  any  seeking 
on  his  part,  either.  And  even  if  he  does 
fail  to  become  conversant  with  it,  he  is 
the  gainer  in  the  end.  There  are  a  great 
many  things  which  we  can  accept  by  in- 
ference as  existing  in  this  world.  It  is 
not  a  necessary  part  of  an  education  to 
see  them.  Too  many  young  men  have  a 
burning  itch  to  see  wickedness — not  to 
indulge  in  it,  as  they  are  quick  to  ex- 
plain, but  simply  to  see  it.  But  the  thou- 
sands of  men  who  have  never  seen  it  have 
never  felt  themselves  the  losers.  If  any- 
thing, they  are  glad  of  it.  It  does  not 
raise  a  man's  ideal  to  come  into  contact 
with  certain  types  of  manhood  or  woman- 
hood which  are  only  removed  from  the 
lowest  types  of  the  animal  kingdom  by 
virtue  of  the  fact  that  the  Creator  chose 
to  have  them  get  through  the  world  on 
two  legs  instead  of  four.  The  loftiest 
ideal  of  womanhood  that  a  young  man 
can  form  in  his  impressionable  days  will 
103 


Successward 

prove  none  too  high  for  him  in  his  years 
of  maturity.  To  be  true  to  the  best  that 
is  within  a  man  means,  above  all,  to  be 
an  earnest  believer  in  the  very  best  quali- 
ties of  womanhood.  Let  him  accept  by 
inference  that  there  are  two  types  of 
woman,  the  good  and  the  bad.  But  he 
will  be  wiser  and  happier  if  he  associate 
only  with  the  former.  There  are  hun- 
dreds of  good  women  in  this  world  to 
every  one  of  the  contrasting  element.  No 
young  man  has,  therefore,  a  valid  excuse 
for  seeking  the  latter. 

Sometimes  this  "  sowing  of  wild  oats  " 
is  deemed  necessary  to  insure  to  a  young 
man  what  is  called  "  a  broader  view  of 
life ;  "  whereas,  in  reality,  no  means  that 
could  be  devised  gives  him  such  a  con- 
tracted, narrow,  and  unsatisfactory  stand- 
ard. A  broad  view  of  life  means  the  cul- 
tivation of  a  mind  that  can  take  in  every 
part  of  the  horizon  of  the  truest  living; 
that  can  see  good  in  everything;  that  ac- 
cepts the  good,  and  rejects,  not  investi- 
gates, the  bad.  We  can  always  leave  that 
104 


Sowing  His  Wild  Oats 

for  some  one  else  to  do.  The  outlook 
from  the  bridge  of  an  ocean  steamer  is 
far  better  than  it  is  from  the  stoke-hole. 
Curiosity  may  lead  some  people  to  go 
down  and  look  into  the  stoke-holes  of 
life;  but  take  my  word  for  it,  you  will 
find  the  atmosphere  purer  and  the  vision 
clearer  if  you  stay  on  the  bridge.  To  see 
"  the  wheels  go  round  "  is  a  very  instruc- 
tive thing  to  do  in  directions  where  the 
motive  is  a  good  one,  prompted  by  lofty 
ideas.  But  some  ''  wheels  "  are  far  bet- 
ter unseen.  Satisfy  a  healthy  curiosity 
always,  but  shun  the  other  kind.  There 
is  no  satisfaction  to  be  had,  and  a  man 
whose  curiosity  overcomes  him  is  always 
disgusted  with  the  poor  return  he  re- 
ceives for  his  trouble. 

The  young  man  who  reaches  manhood 
without  a  knowledge  of  the  dark  and 
vicious  side  of  human  nature  is  far  better 
off  than  the  one  who  has  seen  it.  He  will 
lose  nothing  by  not  having  seen  it ;  not  an 
ounce  less  of  respect  will  be  meted  out 
to  him.    But  he  will  feel  prouder  of  him- 

105 


Successward 

self,  and  men  will  respect  him  infinitely 
more  for  the  strength  of  his  will-power. 

Not  long  since  a  young  fellow  wrote 
to  me  in  this  connection,  and  said  in  his 
letter :  ''  What's  the  use  of  leading  a 
straight  life?  Nobody  gives  you  credit 
for  it.  Society  expects  a  more  or  less  di- 
verting life  from  a  young  fellow ;  it  ac- 
cepts him  as  such.  Practically,  it  calls 
him  a  '  ninny  '  if  he  doesn't  diverge  from 
the  straight  path  once  in  a  while.  It  only 
asks  of  him  that  he  shall  not  be  found 
out." 

I  can  scarcely  imagine  a  view  of  life 
so  entirely  wrong  in  its  personal  applica- 
tion. The  real  ''  use "  of  leading  a 
"  straight  life  "  is  apparently  absolutely 
overlooked  by  this  young  man,  who  seems 
to  think  that  his  life  is  lived  for  others 
rather  than  for  himself.  The  "  use  "  of 
leading  an  honorable  life  concerns  itself 
with  the  young  man  himself.  He  is  ac- 
countable to  himself — to  his  own  con- 
science, to  his  own  heart.  Of  what  pos- 
sible satisfaction  is  it  to  get  credit  from 
106 


Sowing  His  Wild  Oats 

others  for  doing  what  is  best  for  one's 
self?  Men  do  not  lead  honorable  lives 
for  the  sake  of  getting  credit  for  it — to 
win  the  hand  of  applause.  They  do  it 
for  themselves ;  for  their  own  inner  sat- 
isfaction, that  they  may  be  true  to  them- 
selves and  to  the  best  that  is  within  them. 
Aside  from  this  paramount  fact,  how- 
ever, people  do  give  a  young  man  credit 
for  the  life  that  he  leads,  and  they  are 
far  more  often  aware  of  it  than  the  young 
man  supposes.  But  it  depends  upon  the 
people  whose  favor  the  young  man  val- 
ues. If  he  seeks  the  recognition  of  what 
is  so  wrongly  called  and  known  as  the 
"  smart  set  "  of  our  large  cities,  a  right- 
eous life,  an  upright  life,  an  honorable 
life — in  other  words,  a  manly  life — may 
not  count  for  so  much.  But  the 
aimless  men  and  silly  women  who 
constitute  that  body  figure  for  nothing 
in  the  life  of  an  earnest  young 
man.  If,  however,  he  associates  with 
men  who  in  his  developing  days 
can  mean  much  to  him,  and  whose 
107 


Successward 

acquaintance  in  later  years  will  be  a  pride 
and  a  joy  to  him,  if  he  finds  company  in 
women  who  arouse  his  best  thoughts  and 
truest  motives,  he  will  find  that  his  life, 
free  from  blemish,  is  appreciated,  is  un- 
derstood, is  recognized,  and  is  known. 
There  is  an  indefinable  chord  which  al- 
ways draws  the  right  men  to  the  young 
man  of  pure  life.  They  are  the  men  who 
give  credit  to  a  young  fellow  who  tries 
to  live  aright,  and  they  are  the  only  men 
worth  his  knowing.  These  men  may 
not  openly  applaud  him,  but  they  will 
give  him  their  confidence,  their  good  will, 
their  friendship ;  and  in  later  years  he 
will  more  fully  understand  what  these 
elements  mean  to  him.  These  men  do 
not  call  a  young  man  a  '*  ninny  "  when  he 
leads  an  upright  life;  they  call  him  a 
manly  fellow,  and  they  take  him  into 
their  hearts  and  into  their  homes.  By 
the  best  part  of  mankind  a  young  man 
is  always  known  by  his  true  color.  Of 
that  he  need  never  fear.  An  adherence 
to  high  principles  shows  itself  in  every 
io8 


Sowing  His  Wild  Oats 

thought  and  every  action  of  a  young  man, 
and  it  always  counts  for  something  and 
much.  And  as  he  progresses  in  life,  and 
a  clearer  understanding  of  the  right  kind 
of  living  comes  to  him,  he  will  see  with 
his  own  eyes  that  the  men  who  hold  the 
true  respect  of  the  world  are  the  men  who 
were  pure-lived  and  who  can  fearlessly 
and  honestly  look  every  man  and  woman, 
in  the  eye. 


109 


VII 

In  Matters  of  Dress 


VII 

IN  MATTERS  OF  DRESS 

We  may  like  it  or  not,  but  we  are 
judged  in  this  world  first  for  what  we 
are,  but  also  as  we  look ;  and  a  young 
man's  common  sense  should  teach  him 
that  it  is  always  wise  to  create  a  good 
impression.  It  does  much  for  him,  and 
he  cannot  afford  to  ignore  it.  Good 
clothes  cannot  make  a  young  man,  but 
they  are  a  help;  and  when  carving  out  a 
career  it  is  only  pure  justice  to  himself 
that  he  should  take  advantage  of  every 
point  offered  him.  In  other  words,  I  be- 
lieve it  is  a  duty  which  every  young  man 
owes  to  himself  to  be  well  dressed.  But 
to  be  well  dressed  does  not  necessarily 
imply  the  highest-priced  clothes,  cut  ac- 
cording to  the  latest  patterns.  It  is  just 
as  possible  to  be  well  attired  in  clothes 

113 


Successward 

of  moderate  cost,  so  long  as  they  are  not 
''  loud  "  or  "showy,"  but  quiet  and  neat. 

The  average  young  fellow  undoubtedly 
errs  in  this  matter  of  dress.  With  his 
tastes  unfixed,  in  the  majority  of  cases 
he  goes  to  either  one  of  two  extremes :  he 
either  dresses  shabbyy  because  he  claims 
he  cannot  afford  to  do  otherwise,  or  he 
goes  to  the  other  extreme  and  tries  to 
imitate  the  styles  affected  by  the  extre- 
mists in  dress,  and  necessarily  makes 
himself  an  object  of  ridicule. 

Clothes  are  moderate  enough  in  price 
nowadays  to  make  it  possible  for  every 
young  man,  no  matter  how  humble  his 
income,  to  be  neatly  attired.  The  secret 
of  a  neat  appearance  in  dress  does  not 
depend  upon  the  number  of  suits  he  may 
have,  but  upon  the  manner  in  which  even 
a  single  suit  is  taken  care  of  and  how  it 
is  worn.  Many  a  young  man  with  a  ward- 
robe of  but  two  suits  of  clothes  looks 
neater  than  another  who  has  five  or  six 
suits  with  which  to  alternate.  The  art 
of  looking  well  depends,  first,  upon  the 
114 


In  Matters  of  Dress 

choice  of  clothes,  and,  second,  how  they 
are  taken  care  of.  If  a  young  man  has 
a  moderate  income  he  should  make  it  a 
point  to  select  only  the  quiet  patterns  of 
dark  colors.  Not  only  is  this  more  eco- 
nomical, but  it  is  in  better  taste  than  are 
the  lighter  and  more  conspicuous  clothes. 
If  he  will  look  around  him  a  bit,  he  will 
find  that  the  successful  men  of  the  day 
are  always  the  most  quiet  dressers.  Their 
clothes  are  never  conspicuous ;  they  never 
attract  attention.  It  is  only  the  fop  of 
shallow  mind  who  invites  attention  by 
his  dress.  There  is  a  certain  class  of  pic- 
tures that  require  elaborate  gilt  frames 
in  order  to  set  off  the  little  merit  they 
possess ;  and  likewise  are  there  scores  of 
men  who  must  dress  conspicuously  in  or- 
der to  gain  even  the  most  meager  atten- 
tion. Men  who  are  least  certain  of  their 
position  always  dress  the  showiest.  Hence 
if  a  young  man  dresses  quietly  and  neatly 
he  pursues  not  only  the  best,  but  the  only 
wise  course.  His  dress  is  a  pretty  accu- 
rate reflection  of  his  character,  and  very 

115 


Successward 

often  he  is  judged,  to  a  certain  extent, 
by  the  taste  which  he  shows  in  his  clothes. 

But  while  a  young  man  injures  himself 
by  showy  dressing,  he  has  no  business 
to  dress  shabbily.  Shabby  clothes  are  no 
longer  an  eccentricity  of  genius.  There 
are  men  of  genius  who  have  achieved  de- 
served fame  and  substantial  success  who 
are  absolutely  indifferent  to  their  appear- 
ance. And  the  world  overlooks  and  for- 
gives it.  But  this  is  only  possible  with 
men  of  commanding  genius  whose  posi- 
tions are  established ;  and  the  young  man 
who  takes  these  men  as  models  so  far  as 
attire  goes  makes  a  sorry  mistake.  It  is 
given  to  men  of  high  position  and  of  es- 
tablished success  to  follow  a  great  many 
little  eccentricities  which  are  not  over- 
looked in  a  young  man  struggling  to 
make  a  career. 

Aside  from  the  aspect  of  mere  appear- 
ance, neatness  in  dress  is  undoubtedly  a 
great  inner  and  outer  factor  in  a  young 
man's  success.  Neat  clothes  communi- 
cate a  sense  of  neatness  to  the  body,  and, 
ii6 


In  Matters  of  Dress 

in  turn,  this  sense  of  neatness  of  the  per- 
son is  extended  to  the  work  in  hand.  As 
we  feel,  so  unquestionably  do  we  work. 
Our  clothes  unmistakably  affect  our  feel- 
ings, as  any  man  knows  who  has  experi- 
enced the  different  sensation  that  comes 
to  him  when  attired  in  a  new  suit  from 
the  feeling  when  wearing  old  clothes.  No 
employer  expects  his  clerks  of  moderate 
income  to  dress  in  the  immediate  fash- 
ions, but  he  likes  to  see  them  neat  in  ap- 
pearance. It  commends  them  to  his  at- 
tention. We  all  have  an  inner  conscious- 
ness that  a  young  man  who  keeps  him- 
self looking  neat  and  clean  is  more  wor- 
thy of  our  confidence  than  he  who  is  re- 
gardless of  his  appearance  and  looks 
soiled  and  shabby.  Neatness  always  at- 
tracts, just  as  shabbiness  invariably  re- 
pulses. 

Particularly  would  I  emphasize  the 
value  of  clean  linen  to  a  young  man. 
There  is  no  earthly  excuse  why  any 
young  fellow  should  wear  soiled  collars 
and  cuffs.  Soap  and  water  are  within 
117 


Successward 

the  reach  of  the  smallest  purse,  and  the 
home  or  the  outer  laundry  is  accessible 
to  all.  No  single  element  in  his  dress 
cuts  more  of  a  figure  in  a  young  man's 
success  than  his  linen.  However  worn 
may  be  his  clothes,  his  appearance  always 
invites  closer  proximity  when  his  linen 
is  clean. 

I  do  not  wish  to  be  understood  as  mak- 
ing too  much  of  dress  as  a  factor  in  a 
young  man's  life.  But  I  believe  in  it  suf- 
ficiently, and  I  have  seen  evidences  again 
and  again  to  strengthen  that  belief,  that 
no  young  fellow  anxious  for  his  self-bet- 
terment can  afford  to  slight  his  appear- 
ance. No  fair  computation  can  be  of- 
fered as  to  what  percentage  of  his  income 
he  should  expend  on  his  dress.  That  de- 
pends altogether  too  much  on  circum- 
stances. But  I  thoroughly  believe  and 
strongly  counsel  that  he  should  dress  as 
well  as  his  means  allow;  no  better,  but 
no  worse.  Money  spent  on  a  neat  ap- 
pearance is  never  wasted  with  a  man,  be 
he  young  or  old.  The  chief  danger  which 
ii8 


In  Matters  of  Dress 

the  young  man  has  to  battle  with  is  dress- 
ing beyond  his  means.  A  tendency  to- 
ward extravagance  is  never  justifiable, 
r.o  matter  what  may  be  his  income.  Ex- 
travagance is  always  wasteful.  But 
neither  must  he  economize  too  closely. 
In  a  word,  he  should  strive  always  to  look 
neat;  to  present  the  best  appearance  he 
can. 

The  extreme  styles  presented  in  men's 
clothes  are  like  the  extreme  styles  fash- 
ioned for  women :  they  should  be  left  for 
those  who  have  large  wardrobes.  The 
young  man  of  limited  wardrobe  cannot 
afford  to  have  anything  in  it  which  is  in 
the  immediate  style  one  year  and  out  of 
fashion  the  next  year.  Quiet  patterns  in 
clothes,  in  cravats,  in  shoes,  and  in  linen 
are  always  in  style.  The  marvelous  com- 
binations we  see  in  young  men's  clothes, 
of  extreme  long  coats,  of  light  cloths  and 
large  patterns  in  suitings,  of  razor- 
pointed  shoes,  of  pink  shirts  white  col- 
lars and  blue  cravats,  are  generally  worn 
by  excremists  in  dress,  or  by  those  of  me- 
119 


Successward 

diocre  tastes  whose  exhibition  of  those 
tastes  always  keeps  them  in  the  lower 
stations  of  life.  These  styles  should  never 
be  affected  by  the  young  man  who  wishes 
to  gain  the  confidence  of  his  superiors  in 
business,  or  the  respect  of  the  people  in 
social  life  whose  friendships  will  be  of 
value  and  benefit  to  him.  A  young  man, 
so  far  as  this  matter  of  dress  is  con- 
cerned, cannot  do  better  than  always  re- 
member this  one  inflexible  rule:  that  the 
best  dressers  among  men  follow  the  same 
method  as  do  the  best  dressers  among 
women — they  dress  well,  but  quietly. 
And  quiet  dressing  is  always  in  good 
taste. 


1 20 


VIII 
His  Religious  Life 


VIII 

HIS  RELIGIOUS  LIFE 

When  a  writer  seeks  to  present  the 
religious  life  of  a  being,  be  he  young  man 
or  patriarch,  it  naturally  follows  that  he 
can  only  be  general  in  what  he  says.  Re- 
ligion is  too  much  a  matter  of  one's  in- 
nermost feelings,  of  one's  own  convic- 
tions, to  be  governed  by  rule  or  exam- 
ple. But  in  these  days  of  men  more  or 
less  wise,  when  many  of  the  truths  which 
our  forefathers  held  sacred  are  being  dis- 
cussed in  so-called  "  new  lights,"  and 
when  the  convictions  of  many  are  dis- 
turbed by  reason  of  these  "  new  doc- 
trines," it  is  well,  I  think,  that  young  men 
should  bear  in  mind  one  or  two  funda- 
mental truths  so  far  as  the  religious  side 
of  their  lives  is  concerned. 

It  is  not  within  the  province  of  this 
123 


Successward 

book  to  treat  either  of  dogmas  or  creeds, 
or  of  the  necessity  of  church-going;  but 
it  does  come  within  its  Hnes  to  say  these 
words  to  every  young  man  who  reads  this 
chapter : 

No  matter  what  present  revelations  or 
subsequent  discoveries  may  prove  or  seek 
to  disprove  as  to  rehgious  teachings,  one 
great  essential  can  never  be  altered,  and 
that  is  the  necessity  of  a  firm  faith,  an 
absolute  belief,  that  a  wise  God  rules  over 
this  universe  and  over  the  destiny  of  each 
and  every  living  man,  woman,  or  child. 
Whatever  constitutes  that  God  is  not  for 
us  to  solve.  The  wisest  of  us  can  only 
dimly  comprehend  it.  Our  minds  are 
finite;  the  Spirit  who  rules  us  is  infinite; 
and  nothing  finite  can  comprehend  or  un- 
derstand the  infinite.  Enough  is  it  for 
us  to  know  that  there  is  a  God,  that  there 
is  a  Supreme  Being,  a  Creator,  a  Ruler. 
That  is  all  it  is  given  us  to  know.  It  is 
all  that  the  new-born  infant  can  know ; 
it  is  all  that  the  finest  and  keenest  men- 
tality ever  given  to  man  can  know.  But 
124 


I 


His  Religious  Life 

that  there  is  a  great  Creator  no  one  can 
doubt ;  everything  in  nature  points  to  that 
one  fact ;  and  the  young  man  who  refuses 
to  beheve  in  the  existence  of  a  God  makes 
the  greatest  and  most  momentous  mis- 
take of  his  hfe.  Without  that  faith,  with- 
out that  absohite  conviction,  he  is  not 
only  hindered  or  crippled  in  whatever  he 
undertakes,  but  he  is  simply  helpless.  On 
that  point  he  cannot  afford  to  err;  to 
doubt  it,  even  in  the  light  of  the  most  ad- 
vanced knowledge  that  can  ever  be  pre- 
sented, he  cannot  for  one  single  moment 
allow  himself.    This  much  is  absolute. 

Another  point  is  like  unto  it,  and  it  is 
that  every  person  can  go  to  that  Creator 
and  Dispenser  of  all  good,  and  receive, 
through  supplication,  guidance  in  all  af- 
fairs. This  is  but  another  way  of  ex- 
pressing an  earnest,  a  heartfelt,  an  honest 
belief  in  prayer.  Whatever  arguments 
may  be  brought  to  bear  upon  this  ques- 
tion, one  thing  remains  undisputed :  that 
an  honest  and  earnest  prayer  sent  forth 
from  the  human  heart  to  its  Heavenly 

125 


Successward 

Father,  for  guidance  or  for  help,  is  sure, 
and  absolutely  sure,  to  bring  strength 
and  enlightenment  to  the  mind.  No  sci- 
entific analysis  can  refute  this.  Too  many 
millions  of  people  have  experienced  the 
truth  of  this  in  their  lives.  Argument 
on  this  point  is  pointless ;  it  is  fruitless.* 
A  young  man  might  as  well  argue  that 
he  loved  his  mother.  Conscious  experi- 
ence does  more  than  theoretical  argu- 
ment, and  that  conscious  experience  has 
taught  the  happiest  men  and  the  best 
women  who  ever  lived  that  there  is  a  di- 
rect communication  between  God  and  the 
humblest  person  who  ever  lived,  and  that 
a  prayer  for  guidance  sent  from  the  heart 
of  man  to  that  God  is  never  lost  There 
is  in  every  man  and  woman  not  alone  sub- 
stance of  material  matter,  but  a  spiritual 
nature  which,  if  kept  in  daily  contact  with 
its  God,  finds  a  response  such  as  can  come 
from  no  finite  source.  This  truth  no 
young  man  can  hesitate  to  believe — the 
efficacy  of  prayer.  It  requires  no  creed 
to  believe  it,  no  dogma,  no  form  of  re- 
126 


His  Religious  Life 

ligion.  It  is  a  simple  belief  that  to  ask  a 
heavenly  guidance  in  all  things  good  and 
right  means  a  fruition  of  the  highest  and 
best  hopes  of  a  man. 

With  this  absolute  faith  in  the  exist- 
ence of  a  God,  and  in  prayer,  only  one 
thing  more  is  needed  to  complete  the  fun- 
damental basis  of  all  religions — an  honest 
effort  to  live  according  to  our  conscience 
and  to  the  best  and  truest  that  is  within 
ourselves. 

Here,  then,  is  a  simple  religion  for  any 
young  man.  If  his  heart  craves  it  and 
his  mind  can  compass  it,  he  can  go  deeper 
into  the  question  and  believe  more.  But 
less  he  cannot  accept.  Nor,  if  he  is  wise, 
will  he  wish  to  accept  less.  All  objec- 
tions fall  before  so  simple  a  code  of  belief. 
It  asks  for  no  great  mental  capacity ;  it 
is  beyond  the  mental  power  of  none.  The 
rising  and  setting  of  the  sun,  the  coming 
of  the  seasons,  the  downfall  of  night  upon 
day,"  the  birth  of  a  child,  the  death  of  a 
man — everything  proves  to  the  humblest 
mind  that  this  is  a  religion  which  it  can 
127 


Successward 

accept  without  hesitancy,  without  a  single 
misgiving.  When  we  go  beyond  these 
fundamental  principles  we  go  into  ques- 
tions which  are  complex  and  open  to  in- 
dividual construction.  However  a  young 
man  may  decide  for  himself  those  ques- 
tions, he  cannot  shirk  the  three  points  I 
have  dwelt  upon.  They  will  teach  him  a 
respect  for  all  sacred  things,  without 
which  no  man  can  earn  respect  for  him- 
self. They  will  teach  him  charity  for  the 
faults  of  others,  without  which  none  can 
hope  for  leniency  for  his  own  shortcom- 
ings. They  will  teach  him  to  hold  out 
the  helping  hand  to  others,  without  which 
he  can  himself  never  succeed.  They  will 
keep  him  close  to  the  teachings  and  the 
beliefs  of  his  mother,  withour  which  a 
young  man  is  untrue  to  the  source  from 
which  he  sprang. 

I  think,  so  far  as  church  attendance  is 
concerned,  that  a  young  man  serves  his 
best  interests  if  he  is  a  regular  attendant 
at  some  form  of  worship.  I  do  not  say 
he  should  or  must ;  I  simply  believe  he 
128 


His  Religious  Life 

is  wisest  if  he  does  identify  himself  with 
some  religious  body  which  comes  closest 
to  his  tastes  and  beliefs.  Whatever  be 
the  faults  of  the  church  as  an  institution, 
a  young  man  must  not  forget  the  fact  that 
it  is  an  order  born  of  God,  that  He  sanc- 
tioned it,  and  that  if  it  has  its  shortcom- 
ings it  is  simply  because  man  is  not  per- 
fect. Young  men  with  their  critical  fac- 
ulties on  the  alert  are  prone  to  discover 
some  single  defect,  or  what  looks  to  them 
as  a  defect,  in  some  church  with  which 
they  are  acquainted,  and  foolishly  con- 
demn the  church  as  an  institution.  Or 
they  will  see  hypocrisy  stand  out  bold  and 
clear  in  some  man  or  woman  known  as  a 
devout  attendant  at  church,  and  they  con- 
demn church-membership  as  a  whole  and 
belittle  the  influence  of  religious  teach- 
ings. This  is  wrong,  and  hence  it  is  un- 
fair. None  of  us  would  think  of  con- 
demning all  the  flowers  that  grow  simply 
because  of  a  few  that  are  poisonous  to 
the  touch.  Or,  because  we  know  some 
women  who  do  not  follow  righteous  lives, 
129 


Successward 

we  certainly  would  not  condemn  the  en- 
tire sex  of  women,  which  would  neces- 
sarily include  our  own  mother.  We  can- 
not condemn  the  many  because  of  the 
few.  A  young  man  should  keep  his  mind 
fixed  on  the  purposes  of  the  church  as  an 
institution,  and  those  purposes  affect  him 
for  the  reason  that  the  church  is  to-day 
the  balancing  power  between  this  earth 
being  a  chaos  and  what  it  is.  It  is  the 
greatest  safeguard  to  home  and  society; 
and  because  of  the  fact  that  it  is  such  a 
powerful  safeguard,  many  things  are 
made  possible  for  him  which,  without  the 
church,  it  would  be  impossible  for  him  to 
enjoy.  The  church  is  an  indispensable 
factor  in  our  modern  life,  and  it  holds 
out  more  possibilities  for  good  to  a  young 
man  than  any  other  single  institution.  Its 
influence  is  always  sure,  and  he  can  de- 
pend upon  it.  The  best  people  of  our 
land  are  its  upholders.  The  most  suc- 
cessful men  are  among  its  believers  and 
worship  at  its  altar.  Worship — true  wor- 
ship of  the  heart — does  not  imply  a  sickly 
130 


His  Religious  Life 

sentimentality,  as  some  young  men  be- 
lieve ;  to  go  to  church  is  not  "  babyish," 
nor  to  stay  away  from  it  ''  smart."  A 
true  behef  in  the  church  and  its  funda- 
mental teachings  is  one  of  the  manliest 
qualities  which  one  can  possess.  In  its 
atmosphere  of  worship  the  spiritual — 
that  is,  the  softer  and  gentler — side  of 
man  dominates  the  material  side,  and  to 
a  young  man  in  the  race  for  success  this 
is  all-essential. 

And  here  let  me  say  a  word  touching 
the  application  of  religious  principles  to  a 
young  man's  business  life.  The  question 
is  asked,  and  as  often  discussed :  *'  Is  a 
life  built  upon  religious  principles  really 
compatible  with  a  young  man's  business 
success  ?  "  Or  sometimes  it  is  put :  "  Does 
it  really  pay  to  be  honest  in  business  ?  " 
Or  again :  "  Can  a  young  man  be  relig- 
ious and  yet  successful?  "  Of  course  all 
are  but  variations  of  the  same  question. 

Now  the  simple  fact  of  the  matter 
boiled  down  is  that  a  business  success  is 
absolutely    impossible    upon    any    other 

131 


Successward 

basis  than  an  honorable  one,    followed 
upon  lines  of  the  very  strictest  honesty. 

The  great  trouble  with  young  men  is 
that  their  ideas  are  altogether  too  much 
influenced  by  a  few  unfortunate  exam- 
ples of  apparent  success  which  are  promi- 
nent— too  prominent,  alas  ! — in  American 
life  to-day.  These  examples,  for  the  most 
part  representing  politicians,  are  re- 
garded in  the  eyes  of  the  world  as  suc- 
cessful ;  that  is,  they  are  talked  about  in- 
cessantly ;  interviewed  by  reporters  ;  they 
lavishly  buy  diamonds  for  their  wives  and 
build  costly  houses;  and  all  these  are 
•duly  reported  in  the  newspapers.  Young 
men  read  these  things  and  ask  them- 
selves, ''  If  he  can,  why  not  I  ?  "  Then 
they  begin  to  look  around  for  some 
^'  short  cut  to  success,"  as  one  young  fel- 
low expressed  it  to  me  not  long  since. 
And  it  is  precisely  through  this  method 
of  "  cutting  across  lots  "  in  business  that 
scores  of  young  men  find  themselves, 
after  a  while,  completely  baffled.  And 
the  man  who  has  once  had  about  him  an 
132 


His  Religious  Life 

unsavory  taint  in  his  business  methods 
rarely — very  rarely — rids  himself  of  that 
atmosphere  in  the  eyes  of  his  confreres. 
How  often  we  see  some  young  man  in 
business  representative  of  the  very  best 
qualities  that  should  win  success  !  Every 
one  agrees  that  he  is  brilliant.  "  He  is 
clever,"  is  the  general  verdict.  He  im- 
presses one  well  in  his  manner,  he  is 
thoroughly  businesslike,  is  energetic,  and 
yet,  somehow  or  other,  he  never  seems  to 
get  into  a  place  and  stick  there.  People 
wonder  at  it,  and  excuse  it  on  the  ground 
that  he  has  not  quite  found  his  right 
place.  But  some  day  the  secret  is  ex- 
plained. *'  Yes,  he  is  clever,"  says  some 
old  business  man,  "  but,  don't  you  know, 
he  isn't — well,  he  isn't  just  safe !  "  Just 
safe !  How  much  that  expresses ;  how 
clearly  that  defines  hundreds  and  hun- 
dreds of  thp  smartest  young  men  in  busi- 
ness to-day!  He  is  everything  else,  but 
he  isn't  "  just  safe !  "  He  is  not  dishonest 
in  any  way,  but  he  is,  what  is  equally  as 
bad,  not  quite  reliable.     To  attain  success 

^33 


Successward 

he  has,  in  other  words,  tried  to  "  cut 
across  lots."  And  rainbow-chasing  is 
really  a  very  commendable  business  in 
comparison  with  a  young  man's  search 
^  for  the  '*  royal  road  to  success."  No  suc- 
cess worth  attaining  is  easy;  the  greater 
the  obstacles  to  overcome  the  surer  is  the 
success  when  attained.  "  Royal  roads  " 
are  poor  highways  to  travel  in  any  pur- 
suit, and  especially  in  a  business  calling. 
It  is  strange  how  reluctant  young  men 
are  to  accept  as  the  most  vital  truth  in 
life  that  the  most  absolute  honesty  is  the 
only  kind  of  honesty  that  succeeds  in 
business.  It  is  not  a  question  of  religion 
or  religious  beliefs.  Honesty  does  not 
depend  upon  any  religious  creed  or 
dogma  that  was  ever  conceived.  It  is  a 
question  of  a  young  man's  own  con- 
science. He  knows  what  is  right  and 
what  is  wrong.  And  yet,  simple  as  the 
matter  is,  it  is  astonishing  how  difficult 
it  is  of  understanding.  An  honest  course 
in  business  seems  too  slow  to  the  average 
young   man.     *'  I    can't    afford    to   plod 

134 


His  Religious  Life 

along.  I  must  strike,  and  strike  quickly," 
is  the  sentiment.  True,  but  not  dishon- 
estly. No  young  man  can  afford  to  even 
think  of  dishonesty.  Success  on  honor- 
able lines  may  sometimes  seem  slower  in 
coming,  but  when  it  does  come  it  out- 
rivals in  permanency  all  the  so-called 
successes  gained  by  other  methods.  To 
look  at  the  methods  of  others  is  always  a 
mistake.  The  successes  of  to-day  are 
not  given  to  the  imitator,  but  to  the 
originator.  It  makes  no  difference  how 
other  men  may  succeed — their  success  is 
theirs  and  not  yours.  You  cannot  par- 
take of  it.  Every  man  is  a  law  unto  him- 
self. The  most  absolute  integrity  is  the 
one  and  the  only  sure  foundation  of  suc- 
cess. Such  a  success  is  lasting  and  the 
only  one  which  wins  respect.  Other 
kinds  of  successes  may  seem  so,  but  it  is 
all  in  the  seeming  and  not  in  the  reality. 
Let  a  young  man  swerve  from  the  path 
of  honesty  and  it  will  surprise  him  how 
quickly  every  avenue  of  a  lasting  success 
is  closed  against  him.     Making  money 

135 


Successward 

dishonestly  is  the  most  difficult  thing  to 
accomplish  in  the  world,  just  as  lying  is 
the  practice  most  wearing  to  the  mind. 
It  is  the  young  man  of  unquestioned  in- 
tegrity who  is  selected  for  the  important 
position.  No  business  man  ever  places 
his  business  in  the  hands  of  a  young  man 
whom  he  feels  he  cannot  absolutely  trust. 
And  to  be  trusted  means  to  be  honest. 
Honesty,  and  that  alone,  commands  con- 
fidence. An  honest  life  well  directed  is 
the  only  life  for  a  young  man  to  lead.  It 
is  the  one  life  that  is  compatible  with  the 
largest  and  surest  business  success. 

A  religious  life,  whether  in  business  or 
out  of  business,  is  one  which  every  young 
man  not  only  should,  but  can  follow.  It 
partakes  of  no  gloom,  as  many  suppose ; 
it  means  no  depression  of  spirits.  It 
means  simply  the  living  of  an  upright 
life,  a  life  of  respectability.  Religion  is 
nothing  more  nor  less  than  an  adherence 
to  the  simple  code  I  have  presented :  a 
recognition  of  a  God,  and  an  allegiance 
in  manner  of  life  to  that  God.  And  that 
136 


His  Religious  Life 

manner  of  living  is  simply  a  healthy  de- 
velopment of  the  spiritual  nature — keep- 
ing close  to  one's  best  instincts.  The 
communion  of  a  man  with  his  Creator 
comes  with  such  a  manner  of  living.  But 
this  is  all  that  a  religious  life  means. 
That  comprises  true  religion,  at  once  the 
easiest  and  the  safest  element  for  any 
young  man  to  take  into  his  life.  It  will 
stand  the  severest  test,  and  will  prove  a 
veritable  Rock  of  Gibraltar  to  him  in  time 
of  anxiety  and  trouble. 


137 


IX 

His  Attitude  Toward  Women 


IX 

HIS  ATTITUDE  TOWARD  WOMEN 

The  attitude  which  a  young  man  as- 
sumes toward  women  is  one  of  the  surest 
index-fingers  to  his  character,  and  noth- 
ing stamps  him  with  such  unerring 
accuracy  before  men.  And  if  this  be  true 
in  a  general  sense  of  his  attitude  toward 
the  whole  sex,  it  applies  with  particular 
force  to  his  position  as  son.  ''  As  is  the 
son  so  will  be  the  husband,"  is  a  well- 
known  saying,  and  it  is  likewise  true  that 
as  is  the  son  so  is  the  man.  When  a 
young  man  reverences  his  mother  it  is 
easy  for  him  to  believe  in  the  nobility  of 
the  sex  to  which  she  belongs.  And  it  is  a 
correct  belief. 

That  women  are  morally  better  and 
spiritually  nobler  than  men  should  be  be- 
lieved by  every  young  man.  No  ideal  of 
141 


Successward 

the  best  and  truest  qualities  of  woman- 
hood is  too  high  for  him  to  set  for  him- 
self. Such  a  belief  of  his  young  man- 
hood will  become  a  conviction  of  his  later 
manhood.  I  know  that  it  is  the  fashion 
of  some  men  to  speak  lightly  of  women 
and  womanhood ;  and  young  men  in  their 
susceptible  years  are  sometimes  apt  to 
listen  to  these  low  standards,  and  inclined 
to  accept  them  or  be  mfluenced  by  them. 
But  of  one  thing  every  young  fellow  may 
be  assured :  that  the  man  who  speaks  of 
woman  in''any  but  the  most  respectful 
terms  is  either  a  knave  or  a  fool — very 
often  he  is  both.  And  this  is  one  of  the 
few  rules  in  life  to  which  there  is  no  ex- 
ception. I  wish  that  young  men  would 
more  closely  associate  their  mothers  with 
women  in  general,  and  realize  that  every 
slur  cast  upon  women  as  a  sex  is  a  slur 
upon  their  mothers.  This  is  the  feeling 
which  prompted  General  Grant  to  give  a 
lesson  in  politeness  which  will  always  be 
told  of  him.  The  story  is  doubtless 
familiar  to  all  how  one  evening  an  officer 
142 


His  Attitude  Toward  Women 

came  into  camp,  and  in  a  rollicking  mood 
said  to  those  assembled: 

''  I  have  such  a  rich  story  that  I  want 
to  tell  you.  There  are  no  women  present, 
are  there?  " 

Whereupon  General  Grant,  lifting  his 
eyes  from  the  paper  which  he  was  read- 
ing, and  slowly  looking  his  officer  square 
in  the  eye,  said  slowly,  but  deliberately : 

*'  No,  but  there  are  gentlemen  pres- 
ent." 

Nothing  in  this  world  stamps  a  man 
more  decisively  in  the  eyes  of  his  fellow- 
men  than  the  practice  of  telling  "  off- 
color  "  stories  in  which  women  are  con- 
cerned. I  have  often  seen  this  practice 
followed,  but  never  yet  have  I  seen  a 
single  instance  when  the  story-teller  did 
not  lower  himself  in  the  estimation  of  his 
listeners.  Men  are  prone  to  laugh  at 
these  stories  when  they  are  told  them ; 
but  privately  I  have  noticed  that  they 
form  their  own  opinion  of  the  man 
who  tells  them,  and  the  opinion  is 
always    of    one    kind.    It    is    the    man 

143 


Successward 

who  upholds  womanhood  who  com- 
mands the  respect  of  other  men; 
the  man  who  attempts  to  lower  it 
invariably  invites  their  distrust.  The 
men  who  hold  that  ''  every  woman  has 
her  price  "  are  the  men  who,  in  the  esti- 
mation of  other  men,  have  no  price  at 
all,  commercially,  socially,  or  morally. 
The  man  who  uses  such  an  expression  re- 
garding woman  simply  apes  the  "  smart " 
utterance  of  the  first  fool  that  God  ever 
made,  and  after  whose  pattern  all  the 
other  fools  in  this  world  were  created. 
A  man  who  truly  loves  his  mother,  wife, 
sister,  or  sweetheart  never  tells  a  story 
which  lowers  her  sex  in  the  eyes  of 
others.  He  who  tells  such  a  story  is  al- 
ways lacking  in  some  one  respect,  and 
generally  it  is  common  decency.  I  have 
dwelt  upon  this  point  because  I  should 
like  young  fellows  to  believe  more  firmly 
than  they  do  that  it  is  not  "  caddishness  " 
or  "  babyishness "  or  "  goody-goody- 
ness  "  to  refuse  to  listen  to  a  story  which 
makes  light  of  women ;  it  is  one  of  the 
144 


His  Attitude  Toward  Women 

manliest  qualities  which  a  young  fellow 
can  show,  and  deep  down  in  his  heart 
every  man  will  respect  a  young  man  for 
such  a  position.  The  higher  order  of 
men  never  forget  that,  being  born  of 
woman,  they  owe  an  obligation  to  their 
mother's  sex  which,  as  loyal  sons  and 
true  gentlemen,  forbids  them  to  listen 
without  protest  to  offensive  stories  in 
which  woman  is  concerned.  And  no 
young  man  can  listen  to  this  class  of 
stories  without  offending  his  mother,  his 
sister,  or  the  girl  who  a  little  later  will 
teach  him,  through  her  own  sweet  life, 
that  whatever  is  said  to  the  moral  detri- 
ment of  her  sex  is  a  slander,  and  a  reflec- 
tion upon  the  two  women  who,  one  at  the 
beginning  of  his  life  and  the  other  at  its 
ending,  will  prove  his  best  friends — his 
mother  and  his  wife. 

It  has  often  been  said  before,  but  it  is 
one  of  those  truths  which  can  as  often  be 
said  again,  that  a  woman  is  a  man's  truest 
and  most  loving  friend,  first,  last,  and  all 
the  time.     And  particularly  is  this  so  of 

145 


Successward 

a  mother.  I  know  perfectly  well  that 
young  men  are  apt  sometimes  to  think 
that  their  mothers  are  unreasonable.  And 
they  are,  sometimes,  undoubtedly,  and  a 
little  selfish,  too.  But  one  point  must  not 
be  forgotten :  it  is  an  unreasonableness 
and  a  selfishness  born  of  a  mother's  sur- 
est instinct  for  the  best  interests  of  her 
boy.  I  can  look  back  to  my  earliest  years 
of  young  manhood  and  see  where,  again 
and  again,  I  thought  my  mother  was 
either  wrong  or  unreasonable  or  prone  to 
be  a  trifle  too  cautious.  But  I  can  also 
look  back  now,  and  I  cannot  see  one  in- 
stance in  which  after-events  did  not 
prove  her  to  be  right.  And  to-day  it  is 
easy  to  say  that  if  it  has  been  given  me 
to  achieve  even  the  smallest  measure  of 
success  in  my  life  thus  far,  it  is  all  and 
entirely  due  to  the  influence  of  my 
mother,  and  to  my  absolute  confidence  in 
that  influence.  No  woman  has  been  so 
much  to  me  than  she  who  is  my  mother, 
my  confidante,  my  truest  and  best  friend 


146 


His  Attitude  Toward  Women 

— always  watchful,  always  loving,  always 
true,  always  the  same. 

There  is  no  deeper  or  greater  satisfac- 
tion to  a  man  than  to  be  able  to  have  his 
mother  live  to  see  him  fairly  launched  on 
a  successful  career  of  usefulness.  If  his, 
father  dies  before  he  has  made  his  mark 
in  the  world  he  does  not  seem  to  feel  it  so 
keenly.  But  somehow  he  always  wants 
his  mother  to  live  long  enough  to  see  for 
herself  that  she  did  not  give  him  life  for 
naught,  and  that  the  world  is  a  little  bet- 
ter oft  for  the  being  which  she  gave  unto 
it.  The  applause  of  the  world  is  little 
compared  with  a  motherly  benediction, 
and  more  precious  to  him  is  the  re- 
membrance of  such  a  blessing  in  after 
years  than  all  the  honors  that  can  be 
showered  upon  him  or  the  riches  that 
may  come  to  him.  It  has  been  my  privi- 
lege to  hear  this  sacred  thought  from  the 
lips  of  more  than  one  of  the  most  famous 
of  American  men — men  who  are  to-day 
leaders  in  their  professions,  others  who 


147 


Successward 

have  gone  to  their  graves  crowned  with 
ripest  honors  and  fullest  laurels. 

For  men,  even  in  their  most  mature 
years,  are,  after  all,  nothing  but  grown 
boys.  The  fond  stroke  of  a  mother's 
hand  is  as  welcome  at  forty  as  at  four- 
teen. Ah,  those  women  who  come  into  a 
room  when  a  man  is  almost  worn  out, 
and  bring  new  life  and  new  hope  and  new 
spirit  with  them !  Those  God-inspired 
mothers  and  wives,  who  say  so  much  in 
a  smile,  who  speak  so  lovingly  to  us  in  a 
look,  who  send  a  thrill  of  confidence 
through  a  man  in  a  tender  pressure  of  the 
hand !  They  know  us  so  well.  They 
knew  us  when  we  were  children,  but  how 
much  better  they  know  us  when  we  are 
men!  We  try  to  convince  them  that  we 
are  no  longer  boys,  but  only  a  quiet  little 
smile  and  a  fond  little  petting  shows  us 
the  fallacy  of  our  own  words.  They 
stroke  our  cheeks,  and  somehow  the  mind 
seems  more  restful  and  the  brain  ceases 
to  throb.  The  things  we  try  to  hide  from 
them  are  the  very  things  we  tell  them 
148 


His  Attitude  Toward  Women 

about.  They  know  with  a  single  look 
just  what  is  troubling  us,  and  although 
they  never  ask  us,  we  pour  out  to  them 
our  worries  just  as  we  did  when  we  were 
children.  The  quarrels  of  the  playground 
have  only  become  the  worries  of  business, 
and  the  baby  of  the  cradle  has  simply  be- 
come the  baby  of  the  mother's  heart. 

It  is  easy  for  a  man  to  think  well  of 
woman  when  he  can  look  at  her  through 
the  eyes  of  a  good  mother.  And  it  is 
this  which  I  want  every  young  fellow  to 
do.  His  mother  should  be  the  central  fig- 
ure of  womanhood  to  him — his  ideal,  his 
standard ;  and  while  necessarily  other 
women  will  suffer  in  comparison,  it  will 
only  be  in  the  respect  that  to  the  one  he 
is  a  son,  while  to  the  others  he  is  a  man. 
The  tenderest  solicitude  which  a  young 
man  can  show  to  his  mother,  the  most 
unremitting  care  he  can  give  her,  are 
none  too  good  for  the  life  he  owes  to  her. 
And  the  more  tender  his  feelings  for  her 
the  stronger  he  will  find  his  faith  grow  in 
her  sex. 

T49 


Successward 

*  There  is  no  influence  to  be  compared 
with  that  of  a  good  woman  over  the 
life  of  a  young  man.  It  means  every- 
thing to  him,  his  success  in  every  phase 
of  hfe.  Men  are  by  nature  coarse  and 
brutal ;  it  is  the  influence  of  woman  which 
softens  them.  But  no  influence  is  pro- 
ductive of  the  best  and  surest  results  un- 
less we  make  ourselves  susceptible  to  it. 
If  we  lack  faith  in  woman,  if  we  fail  in 
the  right  ideal  of  womanhood,  all  her  in- 

*  fluence  will  be  as  naught  upon  us.  From 
the  beginning  of  the  world  woman  has 
been  man's  leader.  She  has  made  him 
what  he  is  to-day.  All  the  qualities  which 
we  admire  in  men  come  from  woman's 
influence.  And  a  young  man  starting  out 
in  life  cannot  trust  to  an  influence  so  sure 
and  so  safe  as  that  which  comes  to  him 
from  the  being  of  whose  life  he  is  a 
part,  or  in  whose  heart  he  finds  a 
supreme  place.  Man's  best  friend  is 
the  woman  who  loves  him.  That 
should    be    the    faith    of    every  young 


150 


His  Attitude  Toward  Women 

man  toward  woman;  that  should  be  his 
absolute  conviction,  and  he  should  show 
it  by  an  attitude  of  respect  and  deference 
toward  her. 


TSi 


X 

The  Question  of  Marriage 


X 

THE  QUESTION  OF   MARRIAGE 

Necessarily  the  question  of  marriage 
to  a  young  man  is  an  important  one — 
perhaps  the  most  important  that  is  given 
him  to  solve  when  he  reaches  a  marriage- 
able age.  To  some  young  men  it  is  easy 
of  solution.  They  fall  in  love  with  some 
girl  who  occupies  their  every  thought, 
they  are  married,  and,  as  the  story-books 
generally  have  it,  ''  they  live  happily  ever 
afterward."  But  to  others  it  takes  the 
form  of  a  problem.  They  are  troubled 
with  sentimental  perplexities ;  and  if 
these  do  not  enter  into  the  matter,  then  it 
is  either  a  question  of  the  right  girl,  the 
means  with  which  to  marry,  or  the  proper 
age.  The  matter  takes  on  one  of  these 
phases  with  the  majority  of  young  men. 

The  first  point  to  present  in  this  ques- 

155 


Successward 

tion  of  marriage  is  the  principle  of  it; 
that  it  is  unquestionably  for  the  good  of 
almost  every  young  man  that  he  shall 
marry.  There  are  no  two  sides  to  this 
for  the  great  majority  of  young  men. 
Of  course  there  are  reasons  why  a  man, 
in  some  special  instance,  should  choose 
to  lead  a  single  life ;  in  fact,  there  are 
excellent  reasons  why  it  is  best  that  some 
men  should.  I  have  known  men  to  have 
inner  conflicts  with  themselves  for  years, 
and  then  resolutely  decide  upon  celibacy. 
Such  decisions  make  heroes  of  some  men. 
There  are  circumstances  which  some- 
times enter  into  a  man's  life  that  make 
celibacy  judicious  and  wise — circum- 
stances not  of  his  own  choosing.  There 
are  men  whose  lofty  estimate  of  women 
will  not  permit  of  their  asking  a  woman 
to  share  what  God  in  his  wisdom  has 
chosen  to  have  them  bear.  That  type  of 
men  exists.  But  to  the  majority  of  men 
it  is  decreed  to  marry  and  that  they  shall 
live  in  marriage. 

When  a  young  man  deliberately  lays 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

out  for  himself  a  single  life  based  upon 
any  other  than  the  strongest  physical  or 
mental  reasons,  he  makes  the  mistake  of 
his  lifetime.  If  a  young  man  refuses  to 
marry  because  of  a  lack  of  faith  in 
womanhood,  or  a  distrust  of  the  exist- 
ence of  those  qualities  generally  attrib- 
uted to  woman,  he  errs,  and  he  errs  fa- 
tally. And  the  best  evidence  of  this  is 
found  in  the  uncontrovertible  fact  that  the 
happiest  men  in  the  world  to-day  are  the 
men  who  have  believed  in  good  woman- 
hood, and  have  shown  that  belief  by  tak- 
ing a  good  woman  into  their  hearts  and 
homes. 

There  can  be  no  disputing  the  fact 
that  a  man's  life  is  never  complete  in 
its  fullest  happiness  until  that  life  is 
made  whole  and  complete  by  the  love  of 
a  true  woman.  The  simplest  reference 
to  the  history  of  men  since  the  creation 
of  the  world  will  demonstrate  the  truth 
of  this  assertion.  Man  has  done  nothing 
without  woman :  without  her  counsel  he 
has  become  as  a  cipher  in  the  world.   Left 

157 


Successward 

alone,  aside  from  the  question  of  influ- 
ence, he  is  helpless.  The  absence  of  a 
wife  from  home  has  demonstrated  to 
many  a  man  how  large  and  important  a 
part  she  is  of  it  and  of  him.  The  right 
kind  of  a  wife  knows  better  what  is  essen- 
tial to  her  husband's  comfort  than  he  does 
himself — far  better.  He  waits  for  illness 
to  come  and  then  combats  it,  frequently 
when  too  late.  But  the  wife  sees  the 
symptoms  and  uses  preventives.  Her 
keen  insight  tells  her  that  her  husband  is 
unwell  when  sometimes  he  is  not  con- 
scious of  it  himself.  Women,  we  are 
told,  know  little  of  business ;  yet  when 
business  troubles  come  to  a  man  a  good 
wife  is  the  source  of  all  comfort  to  him. 
When  he  despairs  she  is  hopeful.  By  her 
influence,  perhaps,  more  than  by  what 
she  actually  accomplishes,  she  brings  new 
hope,  new  courage,  and  points  the  way  to 
a  new  beginning.  How  often  women 
have  been  the  means  of  averting  business 
disasters  or  the  multiplying  of  failures 


158 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

with  further  impHcations  the  world  will 
never  know;  but  there  are  men  who 
know  it,  and  they  are  the  men  of  whom  to 
ask,  "  Is  marriage  a  failure  ?  " 

It  is  an  unfortunate  fact  that  some 
men  never  get  to  a  point  where  they  un- 
derstand woman.  And  yet  to  know 
woman,  to  properly  understand  her,  to 
correctly  interpret  her  best  motives,  is  the 
deepest  lesson  that  life  can  teach  a  man. 
Every  man  with  a  fair  mind  who  clasps  a 
good  woman  to  his  breast  and  calls  her 
mother,  wife,  or  sister  will  understand 
the  import  of  these  words.  How  a  man 
can  be  a  hater  of  woman  is  hard  to  con- 
ceive when  through  her  so  much  can  be 
added  to  his  life.  Nothing  is  such  an  in- 
centive to  a  man  to  make  the  best  of  him- 
self as  the  knowledge  that  there  is  a  na- 
ture ever  ready  to  sympathize  with  him  in 
his  troubles  and  gladden  at  his  victories — 
a  dear,  sweet,  loving  woman,  who  laughs 
with  him,  and  puts  her  soft,  loving  arms 
around  him  when  he  is  in  trouble,  rouses 


^59 


Successward 

him  to  his  better  self,  making  him  feel 
that,  after  all,  this  world  is  not  such  a 
bad  place  to  live  in. 

The  bachelor  is  ofttimes  happy  in  his 
single  state — that  is,  for  a  bachelor.  He 
may  console  himself  with  the  reflection 
that  he  accounts  only  to  himself,  that  he 
is  his  own  master,  can  go  where  he  will 
and  do  as  he  chooses  so  long  as  he  obeys 
the  laws  of  society  and  of  the  land;  but 
in  his  heart  he  knows  that  there  is 
something  lacking  in  his  life  which,  if 
supplied,  would  make  the  complete  whole. 
Business  success  may  come  to  him, 
wealth  may  be  his ;  but  one  way  or  an- 
other he  feels  the  absence  of  some  one  to 
enjoy  his  successes  with  him.  He  won- 
ders why  it  is  that  he  does  not  always  put 
forth  his  best  efforts.  He  marvels 
whether,  after  all,  a  man  does  not  need 
something  outside  of  himself  to  draw  him 
on  and  incite  him  to  his  utmost  exertions. 
He  may  be  courted  for  his  money,  he 
may  have  friendships  innumerable,  every 
comfort  may  be  in  his  rooms ;  yet  mo- 
i6o 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

ments  come  to  him  when  persistent 
thought  points  to  something  lacking  in 
his  Ufe  to  round  it  out.  Travel  as  he  will, 
live  on  the  best  the  world  can  provide,  he 
feels,  as  I  have  heard  it  said  of  the  mill- 
ionaire owner  of  one  of  the  greatest 
newspapers  in  our  land,  roaming  from 
one  land  to  another,  that  few  men  are 
ofttimes  more  miserable  in  their  daily 
lives  than  he  is.  He  has  everything  the 
heart  can  wish  for ;  more  wealth  than  he 
can  spend ;  costly  residences  on  this  side 
of  the  ocean  and  on  the  other;  swift 
yachts  are  his,  and  swifter  horses.  Yet, 
while  driving  one  day,  and  seeing  in  a 
passing  carriage  a  man  of  his  acquaint- 
ance sitting  beside  a  devoted  wife  and 
two  children,  he  said  to  a  friend,  "  That 
man's  whole  fortune  is  not  one-half  of 
my  monthly  income,  and  yet  his  life  is  a 
far  happier  one."  And  when  his  friend 
asked  him  in  what  the  other's  happiness 
exceeded  his,  he  replied,  ''  In  having  a 
good  wife,  and  a  lovely  child  for  each 
knee." 

i6i 


Successward 

Of  the  wisdom  of  marriage  itself  there 
can  be  no  question.  The  knotty  Httle 
problems  which  enter  into  it  are  another 
matter.  Some  of  them  find  expression 
in  the  choice  of  the  right  girl.  And  here, 
naturally,  is  a  question  which  no  one  can 
decide  for  another.  It  is  a  man's  heart 
which  directs  him  to  the  woman  whom 
he  wants  for  his  wife,  never  the  finger 
of  the  adviser.  "  Love  pointed  surely  " 
is  an  old  proverb,  and  it  is  as  true  to-day 
as  upon  the  day  it  was  written.  Many  a 
young  man,  however,  stands  undecided 
on  this  question  of  marriage.  He  believes 
that  the  only  holy  marriage,  the  only  mar- 
riage from  which  can  spring  happiness, 
is  that  born  of  love.  The  girl  with 
whom  such  a  marriage  is  possible  is  per- 
haps within  his  eye.  He  loves  her,  he 
feels,  and  yet  he  hesitates.  Why  he  hesi- 
tates he  cannot  sometimes  explain.  Some- 
times there  is  another  girl  in  the  case, 
whom  he  acknowledges  to  himself  he 
does  not  love  quite  so  well,  and  yet  he 
feels  that  she  would  bring  to  him  some- 
162 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

thing  that  the  other  girl  does  not :  a  cer- 
tain social  advancement,  perhaps,  a  fur- 
therance of  his  business  interests,  or  an 
advantage  of  one  kind  or  another.  Again, 
there  are  young  men  who  feel  drawn  to- 
ward accepting  a  girl  of  their  own  heart 
and  choice,  but  are  withheld  by  parental 
opposition,  or,  if  not  exactly  opposition, 
that  parental  indifference  or  coldness 
which  is  even  more  chilling  and  killing 
than  open  antagonism.  They  want  the 
girl,  and  yet  they  do  not  want  to  offend 
their  parents ;  or,  perhaps,  as  in  some 
cases,  it  is  friends  that  are  considered. 
And  so  hesitancy  and  perplexity  come  in. 
The  heart  leads  one  way,  some  other  in- 
terest or  consideration  draws  another. 

It  is  to  the  mind  of  such  a  young  man 
that  a  girl  awakens  divers  feelings,  many 
of  which  are  mistaken  for  love.  It  is 
love  which  draws  him  one  way ;  it  is  in- 
herent sense  of  mere  possession  that 
draws  him  the  other.  And  I  am  very  free 
in  saying  that  some  young  men  are  actu- 
ated in  marrying  simply  because  of  this 
163 


T 


Successward 

sense  of  mere  possession.  Nor  do  I 
mean  the  word  "  possession  "  here  as  ap- 
plying to  property.  To  marry  a  girl  for 
her  money  is  the  most  contemptuous  act 
of  which  a  man  can  be  capable.  It 
dwarfs  him  and  it  dwarfs  the  woman 
upon  whom  he  inflicts  the  wrong.  But 
it  is  the  notion  which  gets  into  the  heads 
of  so  many  young  men  to  marry  a  girl 
because  of  the  possession  of  some  trait, 
some  art,  some  grace,  which  they  have 
not  themselves,  and  the  girl's  posses- 
sion of  it  attracts  them.  Sometimes  it  is 
the  girl's  talent ;  at  other  times  her  edu- 
cation, or  her  traveled  knowledge;  again 
it  is  her  beauty,  her  social  graces,  her 
ability  to  appear  well,  to  dress  well,  to  en- 
tertain well.  The  young  man  associates 
such  a  girl  in  his  mind  as  a  part  of  an  es- 
tablishment which  is  the  dream  of  his 
young  manhood.  She  would  look  well; 
she  would  always  be  able  to  entertain  his 
friends,  to  help  him  to  achieve  a  certain 
position;  and  he  feels  that  he  would  be' 
proud  of  her.  And  he  would.  But  the 
164 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

satisfaction  of  a  mere  pride  is  not  the  sat- 
isfaction of  the  heart.  Pride  is  very 
easily  satisfied ;  and  when  it  is  satisfied 
it  generally  departs.  In  a  few  years  he 
will  want  something  more  than  an  orna- 
ment to  his  home,  and  then  he  will  find  it 
wanting.  To  marry  a  girl  because  of 
some  possession ;  simply  because  he  likes 
her  better,  perhaps,  than  he  does  other 
girls ;  because,  maybe,  he  respects,  fan- 
cies, or  admires  her ;  because  she  seems 
to  sympathize  with  him,  is  to  establish  a 
wrong  basis  for  a  happy  marriage.  Not 
one  of  these  emotions  can  form  the  foun- 
dation for  any  truly  happy  marriage. 
They  are  things  which  appeal  to  us  in  any 
dear  friend,  man  or  woman.  The  girl 
who  is  to  be  a  young  man's  companion 
for  life,  to  be  with  him  and  of  him  as  long 
as  she  or  he  may  live,  and  to  be  the  sharer 
of  his  joys  or  sorrows,  to  be  a  daughter 
to  his  mother  and  a  mother  to  his  chil- 
dren, must  awaken  other  emotions  in  a 
young  man's  heart.  She  must  awaken 
that  true,  affectionate  love  out  of  which 

i6s 


Successward 

all  things  of  which  I  have  spoken  spring, 
but  none  of  which  alone  or  combined 
constitutes  love  itself. 

The  girl  that  a  young  man  should 
marry,  and  the  only  girl  he  is  safe  to 
marry,  is  she  who  fills  all  his  life,  his 
every  thought,  who  guides  him  in  his 
every  act,  whose  face  comes  before  him 
in  everything  that  he  does — the  girl,  in 
short,  without  whom  he  feels  life  would 
be  a  blank,  without  whom  he  could  not 
live.  That  is  the  girl  whom  he  loves, 
and  it  makes  little  difference  whether 
such  a  girl  be  rich  or  poor,  talented  or 
not,  traveled  or  untraveled.  Enough  is 
it  for  him  if  she  is  affectionate  in  her  na- 
ture, sympathetic  with  his  work,  respon- 
sive to  his  thoughts,  appreciative  of  his 
best  qualities.  These  are  the  traits  in  a 
woman  which  last  the  longest,  and  re- 
main with  a  man  throughout  his  life. 
They  are  the  traits  in  women  which  make 
good  wives  and  better  mothers.  Knowl- 
edge is  a  good  thing  in  a  woman,  but  af- 
fection is  infinitely  better.  Far  wiser  is 
i66 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

the  young  man  who  marries  the  stupid- 
est girl  in  the  world,  if  she  be  affection- 
ate, than  he  who  marries  the  brightest 
girl  in  the  universe,  if  she  be  cold, 
clammy,  and  unresponsive  in  her  dispo- 
sition. We  laugh  at  sentiment,  we  men, 
when  we  are  young ;  when  we  have  lived 
a  lifetime  we  reverence  it,  and  the  jest 
becomes  the  tribute. 

Another  point,  as  I  hinted  above, 
which  sometimes  enters  into  a  young 
man's  thoughts  of  marriage  is  what  is 
called  by  the  world  the  "  social  station  '^ 
of  the  girl  he  loves.  Now  what  is  termed 
''  social  station  "  is  a  very  difficult  thing 
to  define.  The  habit  of  social  distinction 
which  so  many  families  endeavor  to  en- 
gender and  develop  in  contemplated  mar- 
riage is,  I  think,  one  of  the  most  unfortu- 
nate tendencies  of  the  times.  A  social 
aristocracy  has  always  been  impossible  in 
America,  and  it  is  never  more  impossible 
than  at  the  present  time.  We  need  not 
be  extremists  in  our  beliefs,  and  refuse  to 
admit  that  there  exist  grades  and  classes 
167 


Successward 

in  American  society.  Our  social  lines 
are  sufficiently  drawn  for  individual  pro- 
tection, as  they  rightly  should  be,  and 
must  be  in  any  great  nation.  But  for  any 
grade  of  society  to  refuse  a  humane  and 
proper  recognition  to  a  girl  foreign,  per- 
haps, to  our  special  modes  of  living,  is  a 
piece  of  snobbery  unworthy  of  any  Ameri- 
can family.  We  have  in  this  country  a 
class  of  people  whose  social  standards  are 
beneath  contempt,  and  who  consider  It 
almost  infectious  to  brush  their  mantles 
against  the  plainer  cloaks  of  what  they 
choose  to  call  "  the  lower  classes."  The 
great  social  strength  of  this  country, 
the  real  substantial  strength,  hope,  and 
life  of  this  nation,  lies  with  what  is 
designated  as  the  great  average  mid- 
dle class;  and  from  this  class  springs 
not  only  the  mental,  physical,  and  moral 
bone  and  sinew  of  this  republic,  but  the 
best  type  of  womanhood  which  orna- 
ments the  American  home  to-day.  The 
man  or  woman  who  sneers  at  or  casts 
a  discreditable  innuendo  upon  that  class 
i68 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

stamps  himself  or  herself  unworthy  of 
being  classed  among  intelligent  people. 

The  truest,  best,  and  sweetest  type  of 
the  American  girl  of  to-day  does  not 
come  from  the  home  of  wealth ;  she  steps 
out  from  a  home  where  exists  comfort 
rather  than  luxuries.  She  belongs  to  the 
great  middle  class — that  class  which  has 
given  us  the  best  American  wifehood; 
which  has  given  helpmates  to  the  fore- 
most American  men  of  our  time ;  which 
teaches  its  daughters  the  true  meaning  of 
love ;  which  teaches  the  manners  of  the 
drawing-room,  but  the  practical  life  of 
the  kitchen  as  well ;  which  teaches  its 
girls  the  responsibilities  of  wifehood  and 
the  greatness  of  motherhood.  These  girls 
may  not  ride  in  their  carriages,  they  may 
not  wear  the  most  expensive  frocks,  they 
may  even  help  a  little  to  enlarge  the  fam- 
ily income ;  but  these  girls  are  to-day  the 
great  bulwark  of  American  society,  not 
only  present,  but  of  the  future.  They 
represent  the  American  home  and  what  is 
best  and  truest  in  sweet  domestic  life, 
169 


Successward 

and  they  make  the  best  wives  for  our 
American  men.  I  have  no  patience  with 
those  theories  that  would  seek  to  place 
the  average  American  girl  in  any  other 
position  than  that  which  she  occupies, 
ornaments,  and  rightfully  holds ;  the 
foremost  place  in  our  respect,  our  ad- 
miration, and  our  love.  She  is  not  the 
society  girl  of  the  day,  and  she  is  better 
for  it.  She  knows  no  superficial  life; 
she  knows  only  the  life  in  a  home  where 
husband,  wife,  and  children  are  one  in 
love,  one  in  thoughts,  and  one  in  every 
action.  She  believes  no  woman  to  be  so 
sweet  as  her  mother ;  no  man  so  good  as 
her  father.  She  believes  that  there  are 
good  women  and  true  men  in  the  world, 
and  her  belief  is  right.  And  that  young 
man  will  ever  be  happiest  who  takes 
such  a  girl  for  his  wife. 

I  seek  not  to  disparage  the  home  life 
of  the  wealthy  of  our  land.  Some  of  my 
best  friends  live  in  homes  of  luxury,  are 
deemed  by  the  world  wealthy  and  fortu- 
nate, and  the  atmosphere  of  their  homes 
170 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

is  as  pure  and  elevating  as  is  their  family 
life  representative  of  every  element  that 
makes  good  women  and  men.  Nor  have 
I  one  word  to  say  against  honest  ances- 
tral pride.  On  the  contrary,  I  believe  in 
it.  I  think  if  we  had  more  of  it  in  this 
country  it  would  be  better.  It  is  one  of 
the  greatest  stimulants  to  a  young  man  to 
know  that  he  comes  of  a  good  family  and 
that  he  is  expected  to  so  carry  himself  as 
to  add  respect  and  pride  to  the  name  of 
his  family.  A  good  family  name  is  one 
of  the  strongest  safeguards  to  a  young 
man's  respectability.  We  cannot  under- 
estimate the  value  of  heredity.  We 
should  be  proud  of  an  honorable  ances- 
try. But  we  should  not  boast  of  it,  or 
use  it  to  a  detrimental  comparison  of  the 
ancestry  of  others.  That  spirit  is  vulgar; 
certainly  it  is  un-American. 

Nor  should  any,  who  have  been  a  little 
more  favored  with  this  world's  goods, 
refuse  to  recognize  good  in  those  not 
possessed  of  equal  possessions.  I  care 
not  how  tenderly  the  favored  son  of  a 
171 


Successward 

wealthy  home  may  have  been  reared; 
with  what  care  and  precision  his  mental 
and  moral  development  may  have  been 
guarded  and  watched;  what  hopes  may 
be  centered  in  him ;  I  will  match  his 
worth  any  hour  of  the  day  with  a  girl 
from  a  plainer  home  and  of  lesser  ad- 
vantages. "  But  her  social  position  ?  " 
the  proud  mother  asks.  Social  station? 
What  is  social  station?  So  long  as  a 
girl  is  respectable,  so  long  as  she  is  good, 
so  long  as  she  is  a  loving,  tender,  and  true 
woman,  by  what  social  standard  can  she 
be  measured?  What  right  have  we  to 
apply  superficial  standards  to  worth  and 
character?  What  comparison  can  a  so- 
cial standard  bear  to  the  highest  standard 
of  morality,  to  good  womanhood,  to  the 
best  wifehood,  to  the  truest  conception  of 
motherhood  ?  Is  the  girl  in  an  office  less 
of  a  woman  than  the  girl  who  rides  in  her 
carriage?  Is  she  less  capable  of  making 
a  good  wife?  Why  do  we  marry?  To 
please  society?  False  pride  has  made 
enough  trouble  in  this  world  without 
172 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

letting  it  bring  grief  into  our  homes. 
Let  the  young  men  of  this  country  be 
sufficiently  broad-minded  not  to  measure 
a  girl  by  her  surroundings,  but  to 
judge  her  for  herself.'  True  worth 
lasts  longer  and  wears  to  the  end.  The 
loving  heart  of  a  good  girl  is  better  than 
all  the  wealth  and  social  accomplishments 
which  she  can  bring  to  a  man.  It  is 
something  that  comes  back  to  a  man 
three  hundred  and  sixty-five  times  in  a 
year.  We  can  get  along  with  a  little 
money  in  this  world  if  we  will ;  but  love 
is  a  quality  of  which  we  can  scarce  have 
too  much. 

And  when  the  conditions  are  reversed, 
and  the  young  man's  income  or  financial 
possessions  are  taken  into  account,  the 
same  general  principle  is  true.  There  is 
not  a  more  cruel  standard  by  which  to 
measure  a  young  man  than  the  position 
he  is  able  to  offer  the  girl  of  his  choice. 
I  am  not  an  advocate  of  the  "  love-in-a- 
cottage  "  theory  by  any  means ;  but  I  da 
believe  in  the  good  old-fashioned  theory 

173 


Successward 

of  a  young  couple  starting  out  in  the 
world  with  a  moderate  income,  and  then 
climbing  upward  together.  I  know  this 
sounds  visionary,  and  like  the  sort  of 
reading  we  find  in  stories ;  but  the  t^uth 
*  is  there  just  the  same.  I  give  it  as  my 
earnest  conviction  that  a  young  girl  will 
be  far  safer  in  the  hands  of  a  young  man 
born  of  parents  in  moderate  circum- 
stances, of  good  health,  honest  in  his 
principles,  energetic  and  industrious,  than 
she  would  be  with  a  young  man  who 
has  known  only  the  luxuries  of  life,  and 
to  whom  work  is  an  incidental  matter 
rather  than  the  aim  and  purpose  of  life. 
I  do  not  care  how  poor  a  young  man  may 
be ;  if  he  has  good  health,  sound  princi- 
ples, .  is  respectful  of  sacred  things,  is 
temperate  in  his  habits,  and  is  not  afraid 
to  work,  and  work  hard,  and  face  the 
world  with  a  determination  to  succeed, 
that  young  man  can  be  trusted  with  the 
best  and  sweetest  girl  ever  reared  in  an 
American  home. 

At   the   same  time   I   believe  that  no 

174 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

young  man  has  a  right  to  ask  a  girl  to  be 
his  wife  until  he  has  reached  a  certain 
point  in  his  life.  And  I  would  apply  this 
both  to  his  age  and  to  his  prospects.  As 
to  age,  a  young  man  should  wait  until 
he  is  at  least  twenty-five  before  he 
marries.  Before  that  time  his  impres- 
sions and  his  fancies  are  apt  to  be  fleet- 
ing. He  drifts  and  flounders  in  almost 
everything  he  does — wife-choosing  in- 
cluded— before  he  is  twenty-five.  He 
himself  rarely  knows  what  he  wants  in 
anything.  He  does  not  know  the  world 
nor  its  people.  He  may  think  he  does — 
a  young  man  between  eighteen  and 
twenty-five  generally  does — but  he  does 
not  all  the  same.  It  requires  him  to 
reach  and  pass  the  twenty-five-year 
period  to  find  out  how  little  he  knew  be- 
fore. After  he  passes  twenty-five  he  be- 
gins to  learn,  and  from  that  time  things 
come  to  have  a  meaning  to  him.  The 
difference  before  and  after  this  twenty- 
five-year  period  is  that  before  he  is 
twenty-five   he    wonders    that   he    is    so 

1 75 


Successward 

much  more  mature  than  others  and 
knows  so  much;  while  after  he  passes 
twenty-five  he  wonders  that  he  is  so  im- 
mature and  knows  so  httle.  And  w^hen  a 
young  man  reaches  that  point  where  he  is 
convinced  that  he  knows  very  Httle,  then 
his  time  of  learning  commences.  Young 
men  generally  think  they  know  "  a  great 
deal  about  girls  "  when  they  are  twenty- 
one,  and  can  easily  choose  a  wife.  But 
the  wisdom  of  tw^enty-one  on  that  point 
is  a  little  slippery,  and  I  would  advise  no 
young  man  to  test  it  with  his  future  life 
at  stake. 

Then,  too,  a  young  man  has  no  concep- 
tion of  his  capabilities  before  he  reaches 
twenty-five.  He  has  no  fixed  purpose  in 
mind ;  he  has  no  idea  what  he  is  capable 
of  doing;  he  does  not  know  the  business 
world  nor  its  chances.  He  has  had  no 
opportunity  of  showing  his  employers  his 
capacity  to  fill  a  position  of  permanence. 
He  has,  therefore,  no  practical  idea  of  his 
prospects,  and  he  can  form  none.  The 
period  between  the  ages  of  twenty  and 
176 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

twenty-five  is  the  formative  period  in  his 
hfe,  and  during  that  time  it  is  better  that 
he  has  no  additional  responsibihties  upon 
him  other  than  his  own  struggles  will  de- 
mand. But  when  he  reaches  twenty-five 
he  generally  begins  to  develop.  His  opin- 
ions on  matters  begin  to  be  listened  to — 
casually,  it  is  true,  at  first,  but  they  com- 
mand attention,  nevertheless,  where  for- 
merly they  were  ignored,  and  justly  so. 
From  this  time  his  career  begins,  and  he 
can,  with  a  greater  degree  of  accuracy, 
decide  for  himself  whether  he  can  ask  the 
girl  of  his  choice  to  share  his  life  with 
him.  Between  twenty-five  and  thirty  a 
young  man  should,  if  he  hopes  to  amount 
to  anything,  choose  his  path  in  life  and 
test  his  capabilities.  And  then  it  is  that 
the  love  of  a  good  wife  and  her  counsel 
will  mean  ever}i;hing  to  him.  If  we  look 
at  current  statistics  we  find  at  once  that 
the  greater  majority — I  think  it  is  some- 
thing like  seventy  per  cent. — of  our 
young  men  are  marrying  between  twenty- 
five  and  thirty,  with  a  leaning  toward  the 
177 


Successward 

latter  age.  Years  ago  it  was  different, 
and  the  marrying  age  for  young  men  was 
between  twenty-two  and  twenty-five. 

But,  likewise,  a  young  man  cannot  af- 
ford to  wait  too  long  in  this  question  of 
marriage ;  and  when  I  say  too  long  I 
mean  beyond  the  age  of  thirty.  After  a 
man  passes  thirty  years  his  habits  are 
very  apt  to  become  fixed,  and  from  that 
time  it  will  be  harder  for  him  each  year 
"  to  tear  away  from  his  bachelor  habits. 
For  marriage  demands  a  few  sacrifices 
from  a  man,  and  he  must  be  prepared  to 
meet  them,  just  as  the  girl  gives  up  many 
of  her  girlish  pleasures.  Marriage  is  not 
a  lark,  as  some  young  people  are  apt  to 
suppose,  and  it  should  not  be  entered  into 
just  for  the  fun  of  the  thing,  nor  for  the 
sake  of  being  married.  Better  is  it  for  a 
young  man  never  to  marry  than  to  marry 
simply  for  the  sake  of  marrying,  or  be- 
cause he  feels  that  he  is  getting  along  in 
years. 

There  is  only  one  safe  rule  for  a  young 


178 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

man  to  follow  in  this  whole  question  of 
marriage,  and  it  solves  the  problem  of  the 
girl  and  the  age :  wait  until  the  right  girl 
comes  along  and  then  marry  her.  But,  if 
possible,  don't  marry  her  when  she  is  this 
side  of  twenty  years,  and  while  you  are 
this  side  of  twenty-five. 

Regarding  the  question  of  engage- 
ments, those  of  short  duration  are  unde- 
niably the  best.  This  whole  question 
of  matrimonial  engagements  might  be 
changed  somewhat  by  young  people  them- 
selves, and  to  their  own  benefit.  In  many 
cases  the  young  become  engaged  too  soon, 
and  then  they  are  restless  because  they 
cannot  marry  ;  whereas,  if  the  period  of 
acquaintanceship  were  made  longer,  and 
the  engagement  time  shorter,  things  would 
be  much  improved.  Long  engagements 
are  never  advisable ;  in  fact,  they  are  bad 
from  every  point  of  view  ;  long  periods  of 
acquaintance  previous  to  an  engagement 
are  far  better.  So  far  as  actually  know- 
ing each   other   is   concerned — well,   for 


179 


Successward 

that  matter,  what  woman  has  ever  known 
a  man  until  after  she  is  married  to  him, 
or  what  man  has  ever  known  a  woman  ? 

Touching  the  question  of  a  young 
man's  income  when  he  marries,  no  rule 
can  be  laid  down.  There  are  thousands 
of  married  people  who  are  living  the 
happiest  of  lives  on  six  hundred  dollars 
per  year,  while  there  are  thousands,  on 
the  other  hand,  who  struggle  to  keep  out 
of  debt  on  six  thousand  a  year.  And  so 
it  goes.  Everything  depends  upon  the 
people.  Hundreds  of  men  constantly  ask 
the  question,  ''  Can  I  marry  on  six  hun- 
dred, eight  hundred,  or  a  thousand  dol- 
lars per  year?  "  No  one  can  determine 
this  question  but  the  young  fellow  him- 
self, and  particularly  the  girl  whom  he 
loves.  As  I  wrote  to  a  young  fellow  who 
asked  me  if  I  believed  it  would  be  safe 
for  him  to  marry  on  a  thousand  dollars 
per  year,  so  do  I  say  to  all  young  men 
who  are  asking  the  question,  irrespective 
of  the  amount  involved :  no  one  can  tell 
you.  You  and  the  girl  in  question  must 
1 80 


The  Question  of  Marriage 

settle  that.  But,  on  general  principles, 
the  sooner  we  look  at  this  question  of 
marriage  from  some  other  than  this 
strictly  mercenary  standpoint  the  better. 
I  do  not  believe,  as  I  said  a  few  para- 
graphs back,  in  the  theory  of  love  in  a 
cottage,  with  nothing  else.  But  I  do  be- 
lieve in  young  people  starting  at  the  low- 
est rung  in  the  ladder  and  then  climbing 
up.  Nothing  else  in  the  world  knits  the 
interests  of  two  people  so  closely  to- 
gether, or  insures  such  absolute  happi- 
ness in  the  future  as  their  lives  progress. 
I  cannot  advise  any  young  fellow  what  to 
do,  but  I  know  if  I  were  earning  six  hun- 
dred, eight  hundred,  or  a  thousand  dol- 
lars a  year,  and  I  really  loved  a  girl — felt, 
in  other  words,  as  if  I  could  not  live  with- 
out her — and  the  girl  was  of  the  right 
Ivind —  that  is,  sensible  in  her  ideas,  fru- 
gal in  her  tastes,  and  of  a  marriageable 
age — I  would  let  her  settle  my  doubt  for 
me.  Girls  have  a  very  interesting  way  of 
settling  doubts  of  this  kind — when  they 
are  fond  of  the  fellow  who  is  in  doubt. 
i8i 


Successward 

One  thing  is  certain :  the  greatest  safet) 
in  this  world  for  a  man  is  to  place  hh 
interests  in  the  keeping  of  the  woman 
who  lov^s  him. 

These  are  ihe  only  points  which  I  or 
any  other  writer  can  possibly  advance  re- 
garding this  question  of  marriage.  Every 
young  man  must  necessarily  settle  it  for 
himself ;  all  that  a  writer  can  do  is  to  lay 
down  the  best  and  w^hat  he  considers  to 
be  the  safest  general  principles,  and  each 
reader  must  apply  those  principles  to  his 
own  individual  needs  and  condition. 

But  there  is  one  thing  which  a  writer 
can  safely  do,  and  that  is  to  couns*^!  in 
every  young  man  a  firm  belief  in  \  ^. . 
hood  and  an  honest  faith  in  marriage.  He 
must  not  paint  the  marriage  relation  all 
of  a  rose-colored  hue.   Necessarily  it  has 
its   purple   lights ;    sometimes   its     black 
shadows.    No  condition  of  life  is  without 
its  little  trials,  its  vexations,  or  its  anxie- 
ties, and  marriage  is  not  an  exception  tr 
this  rule.    But  it  is  through  the  marriag 
state,  through  the   love   of   woman,  tha 
man  has  reached  his  present  status. 
182 


University  of 
Connecticut 

Libraries 


39153028324145 


